[4.8]Our Father Whose Art Ain't Heaven
Our Father Whose Art Ain't Heaven Written by Michael Kaplan
Directed by Jeff Melman
=====================================================================
Production Code: 4.8.
Episode Number In Production Order: 80
Original Airdate on NBC: 9th December 1996
Transcript written on 8th October 2000
Transcript revised on 13th September 2002
Kelsey Grammer Introduces...
During the week of October 5 - 9, 1998, Paramount's Comedy Channel
aired the five episodes picked by the Frasier cast as their personal
favorites, with a one-minute introduction to each episode by that cast
member.
John Mahoney: [1.21] Travels With Martin
David Hyde Pierce: [1.21] Author, Author
Jane Leeves: [2.17] Daphne's Room (a.k.a. A Room With a View)
Kelsey Grammer: [4.08] Our Father Whose Art Ain't Heaven
Peri Gilpin: [5.21] Roz and the Schnoz
Transcript {Iain McCallum}
Act One
Scene One - Frasier's Apartment.
Eddie is asleep on Martin's chair. Frasier, Niles and Martin enter
through the front door. Niles goes to the phone to check his
messages.
Martin: Look, we had an agreement. We went to see a movie I wanted
to see, so I'm supposed to pay for the tickets.
Frasier: Very well, Dad. The next time we go to see a Jean-Claude
Van Damme movie, not only may you pay for the tickets, but
also for the wild horses it will take to drag me there!
Martin: Well, I'm only mad because we had an agreement. Now, a man's
supposed to honour his agreement, didn't you learn anything
from that movie?
Frasier: Yes, only that bullets are useless against the man who can
kick really high!
Martin: Now, look, I'm serious about this. Once in a while I'd like
to pay.
Frasier: Okay.
Martin: Okay, so the next time we go anywhere, it's on me. Have I
made my point?
Frasier: Yes, Dad, with all the subtlety Mr. Van Damme displayed
when he jet-packed into the Vatican to subdue that nasty
Pope imposter!
Martin: Like you saw that coming!
Martin exits to the kitchen. Frasier pours two sherries.
Niles: Well, Maris has finally deigned to call me back after I'd
left no fewer than twenty messages!
Frasier: Honestly, Niles, by calling her so many times you give her
all the power. You're much better off coming from a position
of strength!
Niles: Don't pour that sherry on your shirt, it will stain.
Frasier: [mystified] What?!
Niles: I'm sorry, I thought this was the portion of the afternoon
where we gave each other patently obvious advice! [pause]
I had to call Maris! You know that party I'm throwing for
my country club friends.
Frasier: Oh, yes. The one I wasn't invited to but my Waterford punch
bowl was!
Niles: Yes, well... Maris has chosen the exact same night to throw
a party of her own.
Frasier: Well, couldn't you ask her to postpone?
Niles: I tried. She's already flown in a sculptor from Sweden to
capture her likeness in ice.
Frasier: Ah, the perfect marriage of subject and medium!
Niles: Well, you can see my problem. We're going to be competing
now for which friends go to which party.
Frasier: You know Niles, for a separated couple still hoping to
reconcile I'm afraid you're going down a path...
Niles: [interrupting] You shouldn't wear that tie with that jacket.
Frasier: Oh, I see. Is that your clever way of telling me I'm
dispensing unwanted criticism?
Niles: That too!
Daphne comes in with a large, full carrier bag.
Daphne: Hello, boys.
Both: Hello, Daphne.
Daphne: [to Niles] Dr. Crane — will you be joining us for dinner?
Niles: What a nice invitation. I'd love to.
Daphne: Well then, you're in for a treat. I've decided to make
Grammy Moon's famous "Sheep's Head Stew." [notes the
concerned faces in front of her] Oh, don't worry. The name's
a bit misleading. It's actually more of a soup!
Martin: You actually use a real sheep's head?
Daphne: Well, you have to. [holds up carrier bag] It's right in here.
Frasier: [leaping up suddenly] Oh my God — I just remembered. We have
reservations at Le Cigare Volante tonight!
Niles: Oh my God, you're right.
Martin: [also leaping up out of his chair] Oh Jeez, I nearly forgot.
Daphne: You're going too, Mr. Crane?
Martin: Well, I promised the boys. [getting into his jacket] I don't
suppose there's any way you guys would let me out of this,
is there? [there is general protestations all round which
Martin quite happily gives in to] Well, I tried!
Daphne: Well, have fun. I'm off to stick me head in the oven.
The boys laugh as they all head out of the apartment as quickly as
possible. As soon as they are gone Daphne picks up the phone.
Daphne: Hello, Marshall? I got rid of them. You bring some wine and
I'll throw the steaks on.
[N.B. Marshall is the name of Jane Leeves's real-life husband.]
FADE OUT
SOMETIMES LE CIGARE IS JUST LE CIGARE
Scene 2 — Le Cigare Volante.
The boys turn up to be greeted by an extremely full restaurant.
Frasier: Oh dear Lord, it's rather busy. Let's keep our fingers
crossed. [looks over to the other side of the restaurant]
Francois!
Francois, the maitre 'd, comes rushing over.
Francois: Ah, Dr. Crane. Bonsoir. [kisses Frasier on both cheeks]
Frasier: Bonsoir.
Francois: Dr. Crane. Bonsoir. [kisses Niles on both cheeks]
Niles: Bonsoir.
Frasier: [introducing] And this is our father, Martin Crane.
Francois: [going to kiss Martin] Ah, Monsieur Crane.
Martin: [grabbing Francois's hand and shaking it rapidly] How you
doing?
Francois: Enchante!
Frasier: Francois, I'm afraid we are at your mercy tonight. You see,
we have no reservations.
Francois: Oh la la, Dr. Crane. I will see what I can do.
Frasier: Thank you, thank you. Anything would be just fine, thank
you. Come to think of it we haven't been here since Chef
Wakim had his pinky grafted back on.
Francois: Oh. Then this is your first time seeing our new artwork.
He's my own discovery. His name is Cordoba!
Francois points out a number of paintings dotted round the room
which at best can be described as a hideous dirge of colour.
Somewhere in the nearest one is a matador, a bull and an awful lot
of blood and guts. Frasier and Niles obviously feign approval.
Frasier: Exquisite!
Niles: Stunning!
Frasier: My God, I don't think I've ever seen such fearless use of
colour. You know, as usual your taste is as fine as your
cuisine. [pointing at the reservations book] Any luck?
Francois: For you, yes. For Dr. Dubain who brings his own wine, no!
[scrubs out a name] Follow me, please.
Frasier: Merci bien!
Francois: [sitting the group] Your table is ready.
Martin: You guys go ahead. I've got to make a little visit to Le
Can!
Francois: [handing out the menus] Le menu! I will be back with the
wine list.
Francois disappears leaving Niles and Frasier sitting at the table.
Frasier: Wine list? My God, he ought to bring us blindfolds. I mean,
what is he thinking with this artwork? It's appalling!
Niles: [jokingly] Who is it who said that art in restaurants is on
the same level with food in museums?
Frasier: The little white lies one will tell for a good table. Of
course I would compliment a black velvet Elvis right now if
Chef Wakim's lobster comfit were at stake!
Niles: [noticing the table across the restaurant] Frasier, that's
Winchett Cook. She's one of the guests Maris and I are
competing over for our parties. I'm going to go woo her.
Frasier: Oh really, Niles. Why don't you just reschedule your party?
Niles: Because I don't want to give Maris the satisfaction. She's
pushed me around long enough.
Frasier: All right.
Niles: Metaphorically, of course. In reality she can hardly push
at all. Like that terrible afternoon last spring she spent
trapped in the revolving doors at Bergdorf's!
Niles ups and heads over to the other table. Meanwhile Martin
rejoins Frasier at the table.
Martin: I hope there's something on there you like 'cos dinner's on
me tonight.
Frasier: What do you mean, Dad?
Martin: We had an agreement. Next time we went out it was my treat.
Frasier: Yes Dad, but when I said that what I meant was...
Martin: Hup! We're not discussing it.
Frasier: Yes, but Dad the trouble is here...
Martin: Hup! You promised.
Frasier: I just don't...
Martin: Hup!
Frasier: [exasperated] All right, all right, your treat.
Martin: [satisfied] Thank you. Now don't worry about it — just
order whatever you want... [Martin examines the menu and his
face turns to a look of abject horror. Meanwhile Francois
has returned with the wine list] Is this per person?
Francois: [handing Frasier the wine list] The wine list.
Frasier: [realising the situation] Thank you. Thank you, Francois
but I don't believe we'll be having any wine tonight [hands
back the wine list]
Francois: And I'm going out for a Big Mac after work!
Frasier: No, I'm really being quite serious. You see, my brother
and I are watching our caloric intake tonight — we'll be
eating light.
Francois: As you wish, Doctor.
Francois disappears again leaving Martin looking extremely unhappy.
Martin: [angrily] I know what you're doing, you know. I'm not stupid.
Frasier: What are you talking about?
Martin: You're eating light? All the way over here you had the same
look on your face that Eddie gets when he hears a can
opener!
Frasier: Look, Dad — it's just that I'm not that comfortable ordering
an expensive meal when you're paying.
Martin: Well, what's the big deal? You take me to places like this
all the time.
Frasier: I can afford it! [notices the hurt look on Martin's face]
I'm sorry. I didn't mean that the way it sounded. I know
how you feel.
Martin: No, you don't. You're always paying for me and I'm never
allowed to pay for you. Well, it feels pretty lousy. Well,
go ahead, Mr. Bigshot — you pay!
Frasier: Dad!
Niles returns from the other side of the restaurant.
Niles: Well, the good news is Winchett has agreed to come to my
party. The bad news is I've left my wallet at home so,
Frasier, I'm afraid this is on you.
Frasier: Actually, tonight's dinner is on Dad.
Martin: No, you ruined it. I'm not paying.
Frasier: Well, I'm not paying.
Niles: Well, I can't pay!
On hearing this news Francois sidles up to the table.
Francois: So that would be three Happy Meals to go?
FADE TO:
Scene 3 — Frasier's Apartment.
Daphne is alone in the living room on the phone.
Daphne: No, he never suspected a thing. Yes, I had a great time too.
Oh go on, Marshall — say it again. [after a brief pause she
chuckles to herself] Now say it how you said it last night
like Donald Duck. [another brief pause but Daphne is now stony
faced] Well, I guess it was the wine that made it funny. [the
key is heard in the front door and Daphne rushes up] Yes,
I'll see you tonight. Bye.
True enough, the front door opens and Frasier and Niles come in.
Both: Hello.
Daphne: Hello.
Frasier: Will you be savouring us with any English delicacies
tonight?
Daphne: Well as a matter of fact, yes. The butcher had in some
lovely carved stomachs so I'm going to try my hand at
haggis.
Daphne heads off to the kitchen leaving Niles looking as though he
is about to vomit.
Frasier: Even Hannibal Lecter couldn't keep that woman's cooking down!
Niles's cell phone rings and he answers.
Niles: Hello? Ah, Winchett — so looking forward to seeing you at
the party. [a pause] Oh, how dreadful. Oh, you poor thing.
No, no, of course I understand. The important thing is that
you get better. You are a dear for calling... [hangs up
phone] ...you lying, two-faced cow!
Frasier: So she's not really sick?
Niles: Oh, hardly. Maris is luring away all my confirmed guests.
Suddenly there are accidents, deaths in the family. A wave
of misfortune is sweeping through society's blue bloods at a
rate unprecedented since the French Revolution!
Martin comes through from the bedroom.
Martin: Oh great, you're back. Hey, listen. About last night at
the restaurant — I'm really sorry.
Frasier: Oh, no, no, no Dad. It was my fault. I should have been
more gracious.
Martin: No, no, it was my fault. I was the one who overreacted. I
just really wanted to do something nice for you. You know,
the older you get the harder it is to do stuff for your
kids.
Frasier: I understand. I tell you what. Next three dinners are on
you.
Martin: [excited] No, no, no. I found something better than that.
I finally found something I know you're gonna like. [heading
back through to the bedroom] Now just a minute. This
is going to be so great.
Frasier: My God — I haven't seen him this excited since he got that
four-in-one remote control!
Martin returns with possibly the worst present ever: that painting
from Le Cigar Volante complete with matador, bull, blood, guts,
spears sticking out of ribcages, etc., etc. While Martin is thrilled
with himself it goes without saying that both Frasier and Niles are
horrified but try to put on a brave face.
Martin: It's a Cordoba.
Niles: Ole!
Martin: Yeah, you guys were raving about these paintings last night
so I went down to the restaurant this morning to find out
where they got theirs and lucky me, the ones they had were
for sale.
Frasier: [trying to find the words] Dad, this is awfully, awfully...
Martin: Expensive! Yeah, yeah but it's worth it. You don't know
how good this makes me feel. After I'm gone this will still
be here.
Frasier's face gets increasingly more concerned. Meanwhile Daphne
returns from the kitchen.
Martin: Hey Daph, come here. Take a look at this.
Daphne: Well, I'm very impressed, Mr. Crane. When did you have the
time to do that?
Martin: Oh, sure. Like I could paint something like this. You know,
I was thinking, maybe, we could put it over the fireplace.
Frasier: Yes, yes, the fireplace. That's the first place I thought
of too!
End of Act One
Act Two
Scene 1 — KACL.
Frasier is on the phone to a caller whilst Roz is in the booth
looking on.
Greg: [v.o.] ...and lately I've had the chronic fluctuating mood
disturbances which would indicate psychothymic disorder.
I mean, the hypomanic symptoms are there and yet I'm
experiencing moments of aphasia and aproxia and I just want
to pull my teeth out, Dr. Crane. What do you think?
Frasier: Well, Greg, two possible diagnoses come to mind. Either you
are seriously mentally ill and you should be institutionalized
immediately, or you are a first-year psychology student!
Greg: Oh yeah, I'm at UW.
Frasier: Yes, well, it's not uncommon for students to feel that they're
manifesting symptoms that they are studying. It'll pass.
Greg: What do I do till it passes?
Frasier: Well, just relax. Though it might be a good idea to postpone
reading about male sexual disorder until after spring break.
[Roz signals to wind up the show] That's all the time we have
for today. This is Dr. Frasier Crane, KACL 780.
Frasier signs off and Roz comes through to the studio.
Roz: Good show.
Frasier: Thanks, Roz. Say, Roz, if you're not busy after work would
you like, maybe, to get a drink or something? Maybe see a
movie? You pick, I'll pay?
Roz: [smiling] You can stay out as late as you want but eventually
you're going to have to go home and that painting will still
be there! [Frasier looks upset at being rumbled] You have to
tell him.
Frasier: I can't, Roz. You didn't see the look on his face when he
gave it to me.
Roz: Frasier, have I ever told you about my ceramic hippo
collection?
Frasier: Oh yes, many times.
Roz: The hell I have! Shut up and listen! One Christmas my
Grandma sent me a ceramic hippo...
Frasier: [interrupting] Roz, a hippo cannot possibly be as repellant
as a rabid matador killing an epileptic bull!
Roz: Was the bull wearing a pork-pie hat and fishing off a dock?
Frasier: Continue.
Roz: I made the mistake of telling her how much I loved it.
Well, that just opened the floodgates. I got ice-skating
hippos and hula-hooping hippos. Thank God for that
earthquake.
Frasier: Oh, you mean they broke?
Roz: Well, I assume they did when they hit the bottom of the
garbage chute. But I blamed it on the earthquake, and the
point is, you need to talk to your father now and be honest
with him or you're gonna be stuck with that thing until the
next natural disaster.
Frasier: You're right, Roz. Guess I'll just have to tell him this
afternoon. [goes to leave the studio but turns back with a
thoughtful expression] Oh, Roz - that crystal vase I gave
you three years ago for Christmas... er... you said that was
broken in the earthquake?
Roz: Oh, no, no, that really was. I was very disappointed. As
disappointed as you were when Eddie chewed up that sweater
I gave you for Christmas!
Frasier: [exchanging a knowing look] This year — liquor?
Roz: Deal!
FADE TO:
OUR FATHER WHOSE ART AIN'T HEAVEN
Scene 2 — Frasier's Apartment.
Frasier walks in to find his Dad sitting in his chair. The painting
still has pride of place above the fireplace.
Frasier: Hi, Dad.
Martin: Hey, Fraz.
Frasier: You know, Dad, I was just down in the storage room putting
away some boxes and guess what I came across — that smoking
jacket I gave you for Christmas last year?
Martin: The shiny one?
Frasier: Not shiny, Dad. Silk! I really messed up on that one,
didn't I? Buying things for other people — it's so hard
sometimes, isn't it?
Martin: Yeah. [points to a plate beside him] Hey, you want some
pastrami? There's more in the fridge.
Frasier: Oh, no, no, Dad. I don't really care for pastrami. Isn't
that funny? You can love something so much and I would find
it distasteful? [sneaks a glance at the painting] People
have different tastes, you know?
Martin: Yeah, well that's one way of looking at it. Some people
like pastrami, like me. Other people don't. They're nuts!
There is a knock on the front door and Frasier answers. It's Niles.
Niles: Afternoon.
Frasier: Afternoon, Niles.
Martin: Hi, Niles.
Niles: Dad. Frasier, I'm here to pick up the punch bowl for my
party. Although at this point a soup bowl might suffice.
[he walks past the painting and shudders as he does so]
Thanks to Maris I'm down to three confirmed guests.
Frasier: Three? Yesterday it was twelve, wasn't it?
Niles: She's circulating a vicious rumour that I'm going to have a
karaoke machine!
Frasier: You know, this vindictive behaviour of Maris's is completely
out of line. You know, if you don't want to continue with
it you really should call her on the phone. Confront her.
Niles: You're absolutely right. It's time I took the bull by the
horns. [as he dials he realises what he's said and has
another withering glance over at the painting] Sorry! [he
gets through to Maris] Maris. Niles. You may feel you've
triumphed, but all you've done is shown yourself to be petty
and uncivil. Frankly, the only people lower than you are
the fickle paramecia that deserted my party to attend yours.
[Frasier smiles encouraging him onwards] Uh-huh. Oh, I see.
Very well. Yes. I'll see you at eight — should I bring
anything?
Frasier just looks down in contempt. Niles also looks rather sorry
for himself as he hangs up.
Frasier: Thank God for the starch in that shirt or there'd be nothing
holding you upright!
Frasier goes off to the kitchen to clean the punch bowl as Martin
emerges from his bedroom carrying what appears to be a wine rack but,
in line with the painting, it seems a bit tacky with leaves and
branches protruding from all areas.
Martin: Hey, Niles. Here. [hands him the wine rack]
Niles: Well, what's that?
Martin: It's a wine rack.
Niles: [bewildered] Really?
Martin: Yeah. I felt kind of bad about giving Frasier something and
nothing for you, so I saw it at PriceBusters.
By now Frasier has come out of the kitchen and has a smile on his
face as he watches the goings-on.
Niles: Well, thank you for the thought, Dad but it doesn't really
fit in with the décor of my apartment.
Martin: [unperturbed] Oh. Oh, well OK. No harm done. I'll take it
back. Anybody want a beer?
Niles: No, thanks.
Frasier: No thanks, Dad.
Martin disappears off to the kitchen. Frasier ponders what just
happened and obviously realises how easy it can be if he just says
what he thinks.
Niles: Frasier, I no longer require your punch bowl, but may I
borrow your blowdryer?
Frasier: Of course. Why?
Niles: Sven just finished Maris's ice sculpture and she's convinced
she looks a bit "hippy."
Niles heads off to Frasier's bedroom. Frasier decides to have it out
with Martin and goes through to the kitchen.
Frasier: Dad? Are you sure Niles didn't just hurt your feelings
there?
Martin: No. No. I'm glad he told me. I don't want to give him
something he doesn't like.
Frasier: That's very wise. You know, it's important that fathers and
sons can be honest with each other. It shows respect. You
know I've been thinking, Dad, about the painting. You know,
art is such a personal thing? What one person may like,
another may not? It doesn't mean one of them is right and
the other is wrong.
Martin: You're telling me you don't like the painting?
Frasier: Well, it's not that I don't like it. It's just that I don't
love it. It's not me.
Martin: Not a problem — you don't like it, I'll take it back.
Martin turns towards the fridge to get something. Frasier is finally
content with himself.
Frasier: Oh thank you, thank you, Dad. That's such a relief. You
know, I was up half the night worrying about it and I just...
[notices Martin is quietly crying] Dad, are you all right?
I didn't upset you, did I? My God, Dad, are you crying?
Martin: [clearly crying with his back turned to Frasier] No!
Frasier: Yes, you are. Yes, you are — I just saw you wipe your eye.
Martin: [in tears] No, I didn't. Quit looking at me.
Frasier: Dad! [breaks into tears as well] I made my father cry!
Martin: Now don't you start.
Frasier: [sobbing] I'm only crying because you're crying.
Martin: [sobbing] I'm not crying. I don't know what this is.
I didn't even cry when I got shot!
Frasier: [sobbing] I didn't cry when you got shot either.
Martin turns and rushes away from Frasier back into the living room.
Frasier, still in tears, follows him. This next part of the
conversation takes place amidst some serious sobbing, wailing
and downright howling.
Martin: I'm getting rid of that damn painting right now. I just
wish I knew why you told me you loved it so much?
Frasier: I wasn't lying.
Martin: You can't lie to me!
Frasier: Dad. Dad, please. Please stop crying. I want to keep it
now.
Martin: No, it's no good.
Frasier: No, no, it is good. It's very good. I love it.
At this point Niles returns from the bedroom. Frasier immediately
makes for the coffee table and tries to hide his face. Martin does
the same.
Niles: Well, I found the... [notices Martin crying] ...the... er...
Dad, are you crying? [Martin brushes him off towards Frasier]
Frasier, what happ... [sees Frasier sitting down sobbing
uncontrollably] Oh my God, you're crying too. [also becoming
emotional] Why is everybody crying? You know how I get when
other people cry. Tell me what happened.
Frasier: [weeping] I made our father cry.
Martin: [crying] I'm not crying.
Frasier: Well, I am. I'm the most ungrateful son there is!
Martin: I can never do anything for my sons!
Niles: [finally breaking down into a truly pathetic wail] No one
wants to come to my party!
FADE TO:
FAMILY TIES
Scene 3 — Frasier's Apartment.
It is obviously late in the night. Martin is in the kitchen in his
dressing gown getting a drink. Frasier, also in his dressing gown,
joins him. Both seem to have recovered.
Frasier: Dad.
Martin: Frasier.
Frasier: Don't you think we oughta talk about what happened this
afternoon?
Martin: Nothing happened this afternoon.
Frasier: Look, Dad. I know you're disappointed about the painting.
Martin: That's not a problem.
Frasier: Well, you said yourself that it wasn't as easy for you to
give me things as it was when I was a kid.
Martin: Yeah, well I wasn't very good at it then either. Your Mother
always picked all your stuff out.
Frasier: Still, you did put a roof over my head. Sent me to school...
Martin: All right. You want to talk about this? We'll talk about
it. [takes a seat] Do people ever come up to you after
they've met me and say, "How can that guy be your father?
He's nothing like you."
Frasier: Well...
Martin: 'Cause they've been saying that to me about you for the last
four years! I just thought that... I don't know... I'd
finally given you something. Something you liked.
Something we both liked. That we had something in common or
something. That's no big deal. [gets up] I'm going to bed.
Frasier: Dad, Dad, just hang on a second, will you? Do you remember
a time when I was six or seven years old? You were getting
ready for work, you were getting dressed. I was playing with
your badge and you sat me down and you said that it was not
a toy. That it was a symbol of something very important.
Of integrity and honesty and helping people. [Martin smiles
to himself as he reminisces] Well, from then on, every time
I'd see you put on that badge I would think of that.
Martin: I just said that so you'd stop playing with the damn thing.
You were getting it all sticky.
Frasier: Be that as it may, I've tried to live up to your example and
help other people. I've tried as a psychiatrist to conduct
myself with the same integrity that you showed as a police
officer. And when I find myself in a quandary as to the
proper course of action, I think of you wearing that badge
and then I know what I have to do. You gave me that!
Martin: Yeah?
Frasier: Yeah, Dad. Thanks.
Martin: You know? I think I may have something else to give you.
Something that I know you'll really like. I'll be back in a
minute.
Martin gets up and disappears to his bedroom leaving Frasier alone
with his thoughts. Frasier gets up and walks over to the painting.
He has a look at it in an obvious attempt to try and like it. After
a moment's sizing-up he shudders and looks away in disgust. Martin
returns carrying something.
Martin: I've been holding onto this for quite a while now — waiting
for the right time. [hands over a box to Frasier]
Frasier: [shocked] My goodness, Dad. I'm speechless. Your ba...
[opens box] ...bow tie! [Frasier is clearly none too
impressed having expected something else]
Martin: They gave it to your Grandfather when he retired from the
force. When I graduated from the Academy he gave it to me,
and now I'm giving it to you, and someday you'll give it to
Frederick.
Frasier: [lost for words] I don't know what to say.
Martin: You're not going to start crying, are you?
Frasier: No, no, no! It's just a surprise, that's all.
Martin: [realising] Hey, wait a minute. You didn't think I was
going to give you my badge, did you?
Frasier: Well... I... er...
Martin: My badge? That's a laugh. You'd have to pry it out of my
cold, dead hands!
Frasier: It's a date!
Martin heads back to bed. Frasier throws the bow tie back in the box
in disgust.
End of Act 2
Credits:
Roz walks into her booth at KACL and sees a box sitting on her desk
waiting for her. She eagerly unwraps it and takes a look inside
before pulling out a ceramic hippo with an anguished look on her
face. And still it continues as she pulls out another one, and
another one, and another one — each tackier than the previous.
Guest Appearances
Guest Starring
NICHOLAS WALKER as Francois
Guest Callers
JOHN CUSACK as Greg
Thanks To...
Transcript written by IAIN MCCALLUM
Edited by NICK HARTLEY
Revised by MICHAEL LEE
Legal Stuff
This episode capsule is copyright 2000 by "The Frasier Files".
This episode summary remains property of Frasier, Copyright
of Paramount Productions and NBC. Printed without permission.