[7.9]The Apparent Trap

The Apparent Trap                          Written by Dan O'Shannon
                                           Directed by Kelsey Grammer
Production Code: 7.9
Episode Number In Production Order: 152
Original Airdate on NBC: 25th November 1999
Episode filmed on 19th October 1999
Transcript written on 24th March 2000
Synopsis written on 27th November 1999
Transcript revised on 23rd April 2001

The Ice Woman Cometh...

Lilith has appeared in the following episodes:
- [1.16] The Show Where Lilith Comes Back
- [2.08] Adventures in Paradise [1]
- [2.09] Adventures in Paradise [2]
- [4.07] A Lilith Thanksgiving
- [5.15] Room Service

Hey, Freddie!

Frederick has appeared in the following episodes:
- [3.09] Frasier Grinch
- [4.07] A Lilith Thanksgiving
- [4.16] The Unnatural
- [6.11] Good Samaritan

Transcript {nick hartley}

Act One.

Scene One - Radio Station.
Roz is organizing some carts with her baby daughter Alice in her 
arms.  Alice is dressed in a cute turkey suit.  Frasier enters her 
booth and greets them.

    Roz: Morning, Fras.
Frasier: Hi, Roz.  Roz, is baby Alice dressed as a little turkey or am 
         I just very, very hungry? [laughs]
    Roz: We're flying home for Thanksgiving right after the show.  
         I thought I'd make Alice look as cute as possible so if 
         she cries on the plane, the other passengers can't get mad. 
         Actually, what I like to do is keep her awake so she'll 
         sleep on the plane.
Frasier: You know, you should just do what I used to do.  I used to 
         tell the passengers that if Frederick cried, I'd buy them 
         all a drink.
    Roz: And that worked?
Frasier: Oh, yes.  In fact, one time I awoke from a short nap, and the 
         fellow sitting behind us was flicking the back of Frederick's 
         little ear.  Of course that was cheating, the man did not get 
         his drink.

They cross to Frasier's booth.

    Roz: So when is Frederick coming anyway?
Frasier: Well, Lilith is dropping him off around noon and then she's 
         off to visit a colleague for Thanksgiving in Vancouver.  You 
         know, come to think of it, do they even celebrate Thanksgiving 
         in Canada?
    Roz: They will when she leaves!

Frasier nods in agreement as they begin the show.


Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment. The doorbell sounds. Frasier answers it to reveal Lilith and Frederick. Freddie: Hi, Dad. [hugs him] Frasier: Frederick, hi. Lilith: Hello, Frasier. Frasier: Hello. Oh, gosh, you know, I was starting to get worried about you. You're an hour late. Freddie: We saw a big accident on the freeway. Mom saved this guy's life. Frasier: Really? Lilith: Well, that's going a bit far. I simply applied a tourniquet. Freddie: She's a hero. Frasier: [skeptically] Yes, that's your mother all right, son. Freddie: Then the paramedics came and wanted to give mom a transfusion. Frasier: [jokily] Yes, that's your mother all right, son. Lilith: If you don't mind, I'd like to use the phone and call my colleague and tell him I'll be late. Frasier: Yes, of course. Who is this colleague anyway? Lilith: [crosses to the phone and begins dialing] He's the man who supplies me with lab rats. It's about time we got together socially. I've known him for over fifty-two generations. Frasier: Ah. Well, if the drumsticks are about this big [shows a couple of centimeters with his fingers], you'll know why. Freddie: Good one, Dad. Frasier: Thank you, son. Lilith has just connected. Lilith: Hello, Peter, it's Lilith. Listen, I'm running about an hour late, so... [pause] Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Well, take care of yourself. Okay. Goodbye. [hangs up] Frasier: What happened? Lilith: Peter's come down with something. He thinks he caught it from the rats. Frasier: Oh, now, nobody caught anything from a rat that wasn't resolved in a day or two, off you go. [N.B. History has taken it for granted that the Black Death, to which this joke is obviously referring, was bubonic plague, which would have been spread by ticks and fleas jumping off the hides of rats. However, recent research has suggested that the Black Death might actually have been a form of anthrax, in which case the rats were innocent and the cows were to blame.] Freddie: Gee, mom, why don't you spend Thanksgiving with us? Frasier: Yes, that's a very good one, Frederick. Go kiss your mother goodbye and unpack, all right? Frederick complies to his father's wishes and exits to his Dad's room. Lilith: Would it be so unbearable for me to be here for one meal? As soon as we're done, I'll go and check into a hotel. I can spend the weekend working on an article I've been writing. Frasier: Well, you know, Niles is coming this afternoon, and it'll be very uncomfortable, I think. You know, you two haven't seen each other since your little tryst. Lilith: Oh please, Niles and I are adults. Frasier: I suppose you're right. It would mean a lot to Frederick. After all, Thanksgiving is a time to celebrate family. Keys are heard jingling in the corridor. Frasier half opens the door to Martin who doesn't see the company. Martin: Is the witch gone yet? Frasier: Lilith's still here, Dad. Martin: [shocked then collects himself] Oh, in that case, I'll ask you too, Lilith. Has my twitch gone yet? [twitches] I had some very strong coffee this morning and... Lilith: Skillfully done, Martin. Martin enters, closing the door behind him, as Frederick appears. Freddie: Grandpa! Martin: Oh, Freddie! [hugs him] How ya doing? Freddie: So, Dad, is Mom staying for dinner? Lilith: Yes, Frederick, I am. Freddie: Isn't that great, Grandpa? Martin: [through his teeth] Great, Freddie! Real great! Isn't that great, Freddie?! Freddie: Are you okay, Grandpa? Lilith: [hanging up her coat] He's worried about his twitch! The doorbell sounds. Frasier opens the door to Daphne, arms full with grocery bags, trying to tug a stubborn Eddie inside. Daphne: Come on, Eddie, come on. Frasier: What's the matter? Daphne: Well, he was perfectly fine until a block from here. Then he started whining and trembling, like he senses an earthquake or a dark force or- [not really noticing her] hello, Lilith - a vortex of evil. [notices her properly] Martin takes Eddie and carefully takes him into the kitchen, shielding him from evil with his overcoat. Freddie: I'll help with the groceries. Daphne: [hands them to him] Hey, Freddie. Thank you. [kisses him] Well, let's see how the turkey's coming. Daphne exits to the kitchen with Frederick. Frasier: Yes, Daphne's preparing dinner. Lilith: Oh, should we tell her there's an extra person? Clatterings of groceries are heard in the kitchen. Frasier: No need. Lilith takes a seat on the couch as the doorbell sounds. Frasier answers it to Niles. Niles: Hello, Frasier. He notices Lilith and crosses to her, sitting on the couch. He becomes very monotone. Niles: Hello, Lilith. Lovely to see you again. [kisses her] Lilith: Nice to see you, too. Niles: I trust your flight was uneventful? Lilith: Up, down, bumpy over the mountains. Niles: Isn't that always the way? Frasier: Lilith is joining us for dinner, Niles. Niles: What a nice surprise. Lilith: It certainly is for me. Niles: Well, not as nice as it is for me. Frasier is becoming very agitated by all this "nice" conversation. Frasier: Oh, stop it, both of you! I refuse to spend the day listening to your distilled chatter! Niles: Well, how would you have us behave? Frasier: Well, why don't you try going back to your former relationship? Lilith: All we did was insult each other. Frasier: Yes! You're willing to throw all that away just because of one ill-considered night of passion?! It happened, take from it what you can learn, move on! Niles: Well, I learned if you kiss her too fast you get an ice-cream headache. Lilith: You also learned that I have twice your upper body strength, so shut your pie hole! Frasier: Was that so hard? FADE TO: Scene Three - Frasier's Apartment. Later in the day Daphne is mashing the potatoes in the kitchen when Martin enters. Bits of dishes are laid out on the side including a plate of cranberry sauce. Martin: Wait, wait, what are you doing?! Daphne: I'm mashing the potatoes. Martin: By hand? You're supposed to whip potatoes, therefore every bite tastes the same. Daphne: Isn't that a bit bland? Martin: Hello? Welcome to potatoes! Could you just once cook a traditional Thanksgiving meal? I mean, look at this cranberry sauce. [points to a dish of nicely smoothed sauce] It's supposed to keep the shape of the can, quiver a little bit. What are all these little chunks in there? Daphne: Those are cranberries. Niles enters with a box from a baker's. Niles: Dad, here you are, one frozen pumpkin pie on request. Daphne: Honestly, wouldn't you rather I just bake a pie from scratch? Martin: Is it that you CAN'T learn or you WON'T learn? Martin exits in disgust as Frederick enters after laying a superb arrangement on the table. Freddie: I'm done setting the table. Niles: Oh, you did set the table... [looks] It looks very nice, very elegant, Frederick. Daphne: Oh yes, Freddie's been quite the little helper. Every time I bend over to check the turkey, there he is. Niles gives Frederick a sly look. Meanwhile, in the room Frasier and Lilith are chatting. Frasier: So, Lilith, tell me about this article you are writing. Freddie: [enters] It's about me. Lilith: Essentially, yes. I was talking to a friend that works at the New York Times Magazine about raising a child after divorce and she pointed out that as a psychiatrist, I might have a unique perspective. Freddie: You know, since it's about me, shouldn't I get something for it? Lilith: You're not getting a minibike. Freddie: But Mom...! Lilith: We have talked about this. You can get one when you are fifteen. Freddie: But all my friends have minibikes. Lilith: Yes, and if all of your friends decided to enter a Level Four biohazard area without their environmental containment suits, would you do that too? Freddie: This is different! Lilith: No, it's not. Freddie: Dad! Frasier: Sorry Frederick, I'm with your mother on this one. Daphne: [from kitchen] Dinner's almost ready! Lilith: Excuse me. Lilith gets up and leaves to the powder room. Freddie: You know what I think, Dad? You and mom should write this article together. Frasier: Well, I'm sure your mom can write it without my help. Freddie: But it was her idea, she told me on the plane how much easier it would be. I just don't think she knows how to ask you. Frasier: It is an intriguing idea. Daphne enters. Martin: [from kitchen] Frasier! I could use some help out here. Daphne: He's picking the raisins out of the stuffing! Frasier: Oh Lord! Coming, Dad. Daphne and Frasier exit back to the kitchen. Then Lilith enters back from the powder room and sits with her son. Freddie: You know, I think you and Dad should write this article together. Lilith: Together? Well, I think the last thing your father wants is to collaborate with me. Freddie: But it was his idea. He just told me how much fun it would be. Lilith: Well, it's an interesting notion. Niles and Daphne enter from the kitchen. Niles is carrying a carved turkey. Daphne: Beautiful job carving that turkey, Dr. Crane. Niles: Well, I picked up a thing or two in medical school. In case you're wondering, this bird appears to have died of a massive head trauma. Daphne and Niles share a laugh as Lilith guides Freddie to the table. Lilith: Did you wash your hands, Frederick? Freddie: Yeah. Uncle Niles even showed me how to open the door with my elbow so I don't need to touch the handle. Niles: What are uncles for? Lilith: Daphne, is your fiancée joining us? Daphne: No, I'll be seeing him later. Donny has his own Thanksgiving tradition. He has a dinner for all the divorced men he's represented during the year. He's hosting twenty-five today. Lilith: Wow! Twenty-five lonely, bitter men. Daphne: It's been a good year. Niles pulls out the chair next to Daphne so that he can sit by her, however Freddie beats him to it. Freddie: Uncle Niles, mom's writing an article about me. Niles: Really? Lilith: It's about raising a child after divorce. Frasier: Yes, it sounds fascinating, doesn't it? It's a subject that's very near and dear to my own heart. Lilith: Are you suggesting we collaborate? Frasier: Well, if you think I might be helpful. Freddie: What a great idea, you can write it together. Frasier: I'd be willing. Lilith: Well, we certainly did well on our first collaboration. [glances at Frederick] Frasier: You know, Lilith, we could probably get most of it done in the time you're still here in town. Freddie: And if you stay here, you can finish the whole thing. Frasier: Well, I guess it would be alright by me. Lilith: Daphne, would that be too much of an imposition? Daphne: Not at all, I'll be spending the weekend with Donny. [rises] Now, where is your father with that gravy? [exits to kitchen] Lilith: Then I'll stay here. Although maybe we should run this by your father. The clattering of a gravy boat is heard from the kitchen. Frasier: No need. End of Act One. Act Two.
Scene One - Frasier's Apartment. Lilith and Frasier working through some notes on the couch. Lilith's hair has been taken out of its bun and they are sharing a glass of wine. Lilith: Yes, but I think we should have something about non custodial parents and discipline. Frasier: Exactly! The weekend the father needn't be a weakened father. Lilith: [laughs] Frasier, you still have a direct line to my funny bone. Frasier: [laughs] Thank Goodness the line wasn't stop. Lilith: [laughs] Stop! Now, if we laugh all night, we'll never get any work done. CUT TO: Scene Two - Frasier's Bedroom. Meanwhile, Frederick is sat on Frasier's bed playing a video game on the television screen. He seems very much into it. There is a knock at the door and Niles enters and sits with him. Niles: Hey Frederick, I'm leaving. [notices screen] Whatcha doing? Freddie: I'm saving the universe. Do you want to help? Niles: [laughs] I wouldn't know where to begin. Freddie: It's easy, I'll show you. Niles: All right, what do you do? Freddie: [hands him controller] That's your guy, you've just escaped from an intergalactic maximum security prison pod. Niles: Like they could hold me. Freddie: Now once you leave this chamber, you can go left or right, and different things will happen to you. Niles tries to play and in an instant a scream in heard from the game. Niles: What happened? Freddie: Wow! I never saw the guy trip and fall before. Try it again, you have two lives left. Niles: Okay. [tries again but fails] I can't seem to get out of this room, is this some sort of advanced level? Freddie: No, this is like the training area. I didn't even know you could die here! Niles: [tries again but fails] I have to get out of this room! Freddie: The reset button's on the right. Do you want something to drink? [rises] Niles: Quiet! Niles carries on playing as Frederick slips out of the room. CUT TO: Scene Three - Frasier's Apartment. A minute or two later, Frasier is washing the dishes in the kitchen. Frederick enters. Freddie: Hi, Dad. Frasier: Oh, hi son. Freddie: How's the writing? Frasier: Well, it's coming along nicely, thanks. Freddie: Oh, mom wants to know if you're bringing over the wine? Frasier: Oh, of course, yes. [picks up wine glass] Freddie: You know, it's great to see you and Mom working together. I think she kinda misses you. Frasier: Really? Freddie: Yes, she talks about you all the time. Y ou know, how wonderful you are and how she's never met another man like you. [pointing to glass of wine] You go take that out to her, I'll finish up in here. Frasier: Thank you, son. Frasier exits the kitchen and enters the main room. He hands the glass to Lilith but stands firmly away from her. Frasier: There you are. Lilith: [surprised] Oh, thank you. I've been rearranging this outline, why don't you take a look. Lilith holds up the piece of paper. Frasier, not wanting to get closer, briefly glances at it. Frasier: Looks fine. Lilith: Frasier, you can't see it from there, sit down. [he does] You know, I'm really enjoying this collaboration. Frasier: Me too. Lilith: Is it me, or is it getting warm? [takes her jacket off revealing her bare shoulders] Frasier: [shaken up] It is a little warm! Eddie then rushes out from the corridor and heads straight to the door. He scratches at the door with fury trying to get out as Martin follows him. Martin: All right, boy, I'm coming, I'm coming. Frasier: [rises] Dad, let me walk you out. There's something I want to discuss with you. Martin: You know, I've never seen him so eager to take a walk, I wonder what... [notices Lilith] Oh, right. Eddie, Martin and Frasier exit the apartment as Frederick enters from the kitchen. Freddie: Hey, mom. How's the article going? Lilith: Very well, thank you. Freddie: You know, I've never seen Dad this happy. Lilith: Oh, what do you mean? Freddie: Well, all he does is talk about you. How pretty you look and how smart you are and how much he misses you. Reset to: Hallway Meanwhile, Martin and Frasier are having a one to one in the corridor. Martin: What makes you think she's coming on to you? Frasier: Well, actually Frederick told me, but you know, it actually makes sense. I mean, this colleague of hers gets mysteriously ill and then she lassoes me into writing this article with her and then all of a sudden before I know it, the bun is off and she's waggling her bare shoulder at me. Martin: Hey, some of us just had a big meal! CUT TO: Scene Four - Frasier's Bedroom. Niles is sprawled out on the bed intensely playing the video game. A knock is heard at the door. Niles: It's not your turn yet, I still have two more lives. Lilith: [enters] It's Lilith. As she says this the computer gives out a "scream" as Niles fails again which adds to the comic timing. Lilith enters, shutting the door behind her, and sits on the bed next to Niles. Lilith: I need to talk to you. Niles: Does the door have to be closed? Lilith: I thinks it's best, it's of a personal nature. Niles: What's this about? Lilith: Well, it's about an attraction that I thought was over and now I'm beginning to think, maybe it's not. Niles: Usually in my dreams, this is where I try to run and can't. Lilith: This isn't about you, you egomaniac. This is about Frasier. I think he wants us together again. Niles: He knows how I feel about you. Lilith: Not us! Me and Frasier! Is there a chair here I could talk to?! Once again Niles fails on his computer game, and the scream is heard. Niles: Well, what makes you think he wants you to get back together? Lilith: Well, first he offers to collaborate on this article, now he's plying me with wine and at this very moment I expect he's asking your father to clear out for the night. Niles: So he took a professional interest in your article and he offered you some wine on Thanksgiving. Now who's the egomaniac? Lilith: Perhaps I am overreacting. I'll just have to keep my eyes peeled for more conclusive evidence. Lilith takes over the game pad and starts playing on the computer. From the way she plays, you can tell she is a pro at the game. Niles: I didn't know there was a door there! CUT TO: Scene Five - Frasier's Aparment. In the corridor, Frasier and Martin are still conferring. Frasier: Then again, maybe I've just made this whole thing up in my head. Tell you what, Dad. Take a minute and then come back in. See what you think's going on in there and then find some subtle way to tell me what you think. Martin: All right, okay. Just give me a minute. Meanwhile, inside the apartment, Frederick is lighting romantic candles. He then turns the lights down low and switches on some light, classical music on the stereo. As Frasier enters, his son runs off to his bedroom. Frasier is worried by this environment. He notices the bottle of wine on the table and quickly hides it away in the kitchen. Lilith the enters also noticing the aura of the room. She is slightly angered by this as Frasier enters. They confront each other. Lilith: Frasier. Frasier: Lilith. Lilith: [worried] Well, isn't this nice? Frasier: [worried] Yes, very nice. Then Martin enters, and swiftly takes in the music, the lights, the candles, and Lilith's hair and shoulders. Martin: Oh, excuse me again, I just came back to get an umbrella in case it rains. [picks one up] But I hope it doesn't, because Eddie's just dying to play this new game I taught him. I take off his leash and I say, "Run for your life!" That's exactly what I say, "Run for your life!" Frasier: Thank you, Dad. Martin: Okay. [starts to leave, then] Run for your life! Martin exits. Lilith: Frasier, we have to talk. Frasier: Yes, Lilith, we do. Lilith: I mean, I can't just sit here all night waiting for you to make your move. Frasier: Well, you've just got this all worked out, haven't you! Lilith: Well, let's see. Candlelight, wine, soft music. What else do I need? Frasier: I don't know what's worse: that you want me back or that you think I can be won so easily! [switches off music] Lilith: You think I'm responsible for this?! Frasier: You assume you can just snap your fingers and old Frasier'll come-a-runnin'?! Well, I'm sorry, it doesn't work that way, sister. First of all I have to be finessed! Lilith: I didn't do any of this, and if you didn't either, then someone is setting us up. Frasier: But who...? [realizes] Frederick! He told me that you've been pining for me. Lilith: He just told me the same about you. Frasier: Good Lord, here we are writing an article on taking your child through a divorce and our son is nursing the hopeless fantasy that we'll get back together. We've got to go talk with him. Lilith: No, wait a minute, something is not right here. When has Frederick expressed the slightest desire to see us together? Frasier: He could have been sublimating it for years. Lilith: Even so, he lied to both of us. He had to have known that we'd compare notes. Frasier: Alright, so his plan was a little artless. Lilith: Unless... That's exactly what he wanted. Frasier: What do you mean? Lilith: Think about it. He makes us believe that he wants us together, of course we have to tell him that that's not going to happen. His hopes are dashed and we feel so guilty that we compensate by getting him something he wants. Frasier: A minibike? Lilith: That's a very clever little boy we have. Frasier: Could he actually be so devious? Lilith: Ah, well, if he wants something badly enough, he will figure out a way to get it. Remember when he was a baby, the bottle at the end of the maze? Frasier: You know, I kinda regret doing that. Lilith: [calls] Frederick! Frasier: What are you going to do? Just come out and ask him? Lilith: Of course not, he'll only deny it. Frasier: What then? Lilith: Just go with me on this one. Frederick enters. Lilith: Frederick, have a seat, we need to talk to you. Freddie: [sits] What about? Lilith: We know that you've been trying to maneuver us together and it's only natural for a child of divorce to want that. Generally speaking, your plan would be fruitless, but when your father and I let down our guard and looked at each other in the candlelight, we realized that we belong together. In other words, we're getting remarried. Lilith links hands with a very anxious Frasier who tries to cover this up with a broad grin. Freddie: Do you really mean it? [Frasier nods in "delight"] This is going to be the best Christmas ever! I'm gonna go tell Uncle Niles. Frederick exits to his room. Frasier: Have you lost your mind?! Lilith: He's cooler than I thought. Frasier: Cooler?! This isn't a game of poker! This is our son being lied to by his parents. We've got to go in there, tell him the truth and make it up to him. Even if it takes a fleet of minibikes! Lilith: No, no, Frasier. Please, we called his bluff. Now, he's calling ours. The question is, what's our next move? Frasier: Oh, I know, why don't we just consult this handy little guide for divorced parents?! [points to their article] Lilith: We can't blink first, we've got to up the ante. Frasier: Good idea, Lilith! [sarcastic] You know what? Let's go in there and promise him the baby brother he'll never have! Frederick and Niles then enter. Niles has an expression on his face that kills me with laughter every time I see it. It is a mix of fake joy, worry, and anger. Niles: What's this joyous news I hear? Lilith: You know, Frederick, you're going to have to give up all of your friends, because we're going to live here in Seattle. Freddie: I'd live anywhere to be a family again. Niles: [in one long breath] So it is true, congratulations to you both, good night. [heads to door] Freddie: Don't you want your coat, Uncle Niles? Niles: No, thank you! Niles walks, very stiffly, towards and out of the door, not even looking back at the "happy couple." Freddie: I'm going to go call my friends. I love you. [exits] Lilith: I don't understand, I was so sure. Frasier: Oh gee, don't be so tough on yourself, Lilith. After all, what parent doesn't at one time or another completely obliterate their child's chances of ever trusting another human being?! Oh well, there he is. Telling his friends that all of his dreams have come true. Lilith: Unless that's what he wants us to think? Frasier: When will you stop?! Lilith goes over to the phone and clicks onto speaker phone on which Frederick is chatting to his friend. Freddie: [v.o.] It worked! All I did was tap into my parents' feelings of inadequacy and they crumbled. Boy: [v.o.] What does that mean? Freddie: I'm getting the minibike. Lilith: [into phone] Frederick. Freddie: Uh-oh! [hangs up] Lilith and Frasier are relieved. Lilith: Do I know my son, or do I know my son? Frasier: He was willing to put us through absolute hell just for a minibike? Lilith: You know what this means, don't you? Frasier: Yes... he's normal. We're not bad parents. Well done, Dr. Sternin. Lilith: Well done, Dr. Crane. They hi-five. Lilith: Well, we really should get in there. Frasier: Yes, I suppose we should. Must be sheer torment for him, waiting for the axe to fall. Lilith: Absolute hell. Frasier: Absolute nightmare. And then: Frasier: [laughs] Wine? Lilith: Love some. Frasier hands Lilith her wine glass as they sit down to relax. End of Act Two. Credits: Daphne kneels next to Frederick on the bed as he pretends to struggle with the video game. Finally she takes pity on him and puts her arms around his to help him work the controls. Frederick looks at her with a rather Niles-like expression of satisfaction as at least one plan works out for the day.

Guest Appearances

 Special Guest Stars
 TREVOR EINHORN as Frederick

Synopsis {kathy churay}



(Frasier, Roz, Alice)

Frasier entes to find Roz holding Alice, who is dressed in a little red turkey outfit. As Roz puts Alice into a playpen she explains that right after the show they are off to Wisconsin to visit her mother. Roz asks after Frederick, and Frasier replies that Lilith will be dropping him off around noon, then will be flying off to visit a colleague in Vancouver. Do they even celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? Frasier wonders aloud. They will when Lilith leaves, replies Roz.

Scene Title: "As All of Vancouver Kneels to Give Thanks..."

(Frasier, Lilith, Frederick, Martin, Daphne, Niles)

Lilith arrives with Frederick, an hour later than scheduled. She goes over to the phone to call her colleague and tell him of her late arrival, only to find out that he is ill and will not be able to have dinner with her. Frederick suggests that she have dinner with them, a suggestion Frasier discourages. But Lilith herself asks him again after Frederick goes off to the bedroom to unpack. Still Frasier hesitates, remarking that it would be awkward since she and Niles haven't seen one another since their one-night stand long ago. [See "Room Service", season 5.] Lilith replies impatiently that she and Niles are, after all, adults and can manage the situation. Frasier agrees and gives in.

Martin comes in from outdoors, asking whether the witch has gone yet. He tries to cover when he realizes Lilith is in the room, but it's too late.

Daphne comes in next with a bag of groceries and a reluctant Eddie,who refuses to enter the apartment except by being dragged at the end of his leash. Daphne is puzzled and observes that it's as if he senses an earthquake or a disturbance in the Force. Then she spots LIlith, and all is made clear. Frederick takes the bag of groceries and they go out to the kitchen to check on the turkey.

Niles arrives just then, greeting Frasier affectionately and barely pausing when he spots Lilith. Niles and Lilith launch into a round of inane social pleasantries and seem prepared to keep it up all evening, but Frasier interrupts impatiently. He tells them to drop the stilted chatter, take what they can learn from their "one ill-considered night of passion" and move on. Niles and Lilith agree and go back to insulting one another, and normalcy is restored.

(Martin, Daphne, Niles, Frederick)

Martin criticizes Daphne's preparations as she tries to make dinner: the potatoes should be whipped rather than mashed by hand; the cranberry sauce has actual cranberries in it rather than being a jellied lump that holds the shape of the can; and Daphne still complains that she should have been allowed to make a homemade pumpkin pie rather than the frozen pie Niles purchased at Martin's request. Martin is completely frustrated at Daphne's inability to grasp the essentials of Thanksgiving cuisine.

(Frasier, Lilith, Frederick, Daphne, Niles, Martin)

Frasier asks Lilith about the article she's writing. Frederick comes in and hears Lilith explaining to Frasier that it's an article about raising a child after a divorce, using Frederick as an example. Frederick complains that he should get a reward for being the subject of the article, and Lilith issues what is obviously not her first refusal to buy him the mini-bike he wants. Frasier agrees.

Daphne announces that dinner is almost ready, and Lilith excuses herself to the bathroom. Frederick tells Frasier that he and Lilith should be writing the article together. Frasier doubts that LIlith wants his help, and Frederick says she told him on the plane how much easier the article would be with Frasier's help. Frasier is intrigued, but their conversation is interrupted by Martin, who wants Frasier's help to pick the raisins out of Daphne's stuffing. He exits to the kitchen as Lilith returns.

Frederick sets to work on Lilith, telling her that Frasier would like to collaborate with her on the article. Lilith is doubtful but also intrigued.

Daphne and Niles come in with the turkey, and they begin to take their places at the table. Lilith asks after Donny, and Daphne tells her that he is hosting a dinner for all 25 of the divorced men he has represented during the year. As she sits down Niles attempts to sit next to her, but Frederick is too quick for him and slides into the chair ahead of him. They exchange a knowing smile.

As Frasier sits down at the table Frederick tells Niles that his mother is writing an article about him, and Niles asks about it. Lilith describes the article and Frasier expresses his interest, and before long they are agreeing to collaborate. Frederick presses his advantage by suggesting that Lilith spend the weekend at the apartment to make the writing easier, a suggestion Daphne agrees with since she will be spending the weekend with Donny.


Scene Title: The Apparent Trap

(Lilith, Frasier, Frederick)

Frasier and Lilith are working on the article in a very relaxed fashion. Frasier sits on the floor next to the couch where Lilith is writing on a legal pad and laughing at his jokes. They are getting along very well, for once.

(Frederick, Niles)

Frederick is seated on the bed playing a video game on the television as Niles knocks and comes in to say goodbye. He is interested by the video game and sits down next to Frederick to ask questions about it. Soon Frederick hands the controls over to Niles, who promptly causes his game character to get killed in a number of creative and, to Frederick, completely new ways. Niles is instantly hooked by the game, and after pointing out the location of the reset button on the video control, Frederick exits to get something to drink.

(Frederick, Frasier)

Frederick greets Frasier, who is putting the final touches on the kitchen cleanup. Frederick tells Frasier that Lilith has requested a glass of wine, and as Frasier pours, Freddie tells him how Lilith is always talking about how wonderful Frasier is. Frederick volunteers to finish the kitchen so Frasier can bring Lilith her wine, and Frasier complies with a puzzled frown.

(Frasier, Lilith, Frederick)

Frasier hands Lilith her wine, and she hands him the article outline to review. He hesitates to come close to her, and she insists that he sit down on the sofa next to her to read the outline. Nervously he complies. Remarking on the warm temperature in the apartment, she takes off her jacket to reveal a sleeveless shell underneath, and Frasier is abruptly convinced she's set her sights on him. Martin comes through on his way to take Eddie out for a walk, and Frasier nervously follows him out into the hallway for a talk.

Frederick comes in to ask about the article and to tell Lilith how pretty Frasier thinks she is, and how much he misses her. Now it's Lilith's turn to be startled.

(Frasier, Martin)

Martin asks Frasier what makes him think Lilith is coming on to him, and Frasier recounts his evidence. Martin is nauseated.

(Niles, LIlith)

Niles is stretched prone on the bed, frantically working the video game control as Lilith knocks and comes into the room. Now it's Niles's turn to get nervous as Lilith sits down on the bed to discuss an attraction of a personal nature. But as Lilith recites her evidence for the idea that Frasier is trying to get back together with her, Niles tells her it's just her own ego causing her to think so. Lilith agrees to watch for more conclusive evidence.

(Frasier, Martin)

Frasier asks his father to come back into the apartment and assess the situation, letting Frasier know in a subtle way what he thinks about it. Martin agrees.

(Frederick, Martin, Frasier, Lilith)

Frederick lights candles and turns on soft music to set a romantic atmosphere. He turns down the lights and exits to his bedroom.

Frasier enters to find his apartment set up for a romantic evening. He panics and runs into the kitchen.

Lilith comes in from the bedroom and is chagrined to find the atmosphere completely changed. Just then Frasier enters the room.

Martin comes in, takes one look and starts talking about the new trick he's teaching Eddie. It's called, "Run for your life!" Having delivered his message loud and clear, he leaves.

Lilith and Frasier confront each other, each denying setting up the romantic trap. Finally Frasier adds the clues -- Frederick is setting them up. But why? Lilith provides the answer. Frederick hopes that when they realize he wants them together, and they have to disappoint him, they will feel so guilty that they will buy him the mini-bike he's been wanting. Frasier is unsure that Frederick could be so deviousl, but Lilith is convinced and calls Frederick in from the bedroom, asking Frasier to cooperate with her plan.

Frederick arrives and Lilith tells him and a stunned Frasier that Frederick's wish is about to come true: Frasier and Lilith are getting remarried. Freddie is ecstatic and runs off to tell Niles.

Lilith remarks that Frederick is cooler at this charade than she thought, but Frasier is unwilling to lie to him any further. He berates Lilith for her deviousness as she sticks to her guns.

Niles reappears with Frederick, teeth gritted and seeking confirmation of the happy news. Lilith provides it, and Niles is so overjoyed that he walks abruptly out the door without his suit jacket or his coat. Freddie runs off to telephone his friends.

Frasier tells Lilith that they have just obliterated all of Frederick's trust in them by lying to him. Lilith isn't convinced, and pushes a button on the telephone to listen in on Frederick's conversation in the bedroom. Sure enough, Frederick is assuring one of his friends that he will soon be the proud owner of a mini-bike. His joy is short-lived as Lilith announces their presence with a stern, "Frederick!" Frederick hastily hangs up the phone.

Frasier shakes his head in admiration at Lilith's cleverness as they agree that they haven't done such a bad job of parenting after all. Their son's attempt at manipulation proves just one thing -- that he's a completely normal boy who won't hesitate to put his parents through hell to get what he wants. They congratulate each other and sit down to sip some wine, letting Frederick twist in the wind a bit longer and wonder what his punishment will be.


Daphne kneels next to Frederick on the bed as he pretends to struggle with the video game. Finally she takes pity on him and puts her arms around his to help him work the controls. Frederick looks at her with a rather Niles-like expression of satisfaction as at least one plan works out for the day.


Legal Stuff

 This episode capsule is copyright 1999 by Nick Hartley, Kathy 
 Churay. This episode summary remains property of Frasier, Copyright 
 of Paramount Productions and NBC. Printed without permission. 

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