[2.9]Adventures In Paradise [2]

Adventures In Paradise [2]                  Written by Ken Levine    
                                            & David Isaacs
                                            Directed by James Burrows
Production Code: 2.9
Episode Number In Production Order: 33
Episode Filmes On: 
Original Airdate on NBC: 22nd November 1994
Transcript written on 9th June 2000
Transcript revised on 31st May 2001
Transcript revised 2nd on 8th February 2003

The Ice Woman Cometh...

Lilith has appeared in the following episodes:
[1.16] The Show Where Lilith Comes Back
[2.08] Adventures in Paradise [1]



·  Outstanding Sound Mixing for a Comedy Series or Special: Thomas J. 
   Huth, David M. Weisharr, Robert Douglass, Dana Mark McClure
·  Outstanding Guest Actress in a Comedy Series: Bebe Neuwirth
·  Outstanding Guest Actress in a Comedy Series: JoBeth Williams

This is Part One: [2.08]

Transcript {Mike Lee}


Frasier: [v.o.] I just opened up the pages of "Seattle" magazine, and there she was... Clips from Scenes One and Four of Part I, in which Frasier meets Madeline Marshall and then agrees to go away with her. Frasier: [v.o.] So off I flew to Bora Bora, and did I receive the shock of my life... FADE TO: ACT ONE Scene One — Bora Bora We're back where we left off — Frasier and Lilith catching sight of each other. Frasier: Lilith! What are you doing here?! Lilith: I suppose I could ask you the same thing. Madeline: [o.s] Frasier, is everything all right? Frasier: Uh, yes, yes. Uh, why don't you come out and join us, Madeline? [to Lilith] What about you? Are you here with someone? Lilith: Yes. Actually, he's snorkeling at the moment. Frasier: Anyone I know? Lilith: Sam Malone. Frasier: Sam?! Lilith: Just kidding. Frasier: Of all places, Lilith, why did you bring him here? Lilith: Well, it was spectacular five years ago when you brought me, it's even more breathtaking now. Frasier: But this was our place. How could you bring someone else? [Madeline comes out in a robe] Oh, here. Lilith, I'd like you to meet Madeline Marshall. [they shake hands] How's this for a hoot? This is my ex-wife, Lilith. Madeline: Your... ex-wife is here? Frasier: Yes. It's a shame, too — no papers to be signed. Madeline: So you're here with someone? Lilith: Why does everyone keep asking me that? Yes, I am. Oh, here he comes now. Brian? Brian — a distinguished-looking man with iron-gray hair and a trim, athletic physique — walks on drying himself off. Lilith: Dr. Brian Patchett, I'd like you to meet Madeline Marshall, and Dr. Frasier Crane. Brian: [shaking hands] Your ex-husband? You're making a joke! Lilith: No, God is. Brian: Pleasure to meet you. Frasier: Likewise. Lilith: Uh, Brian is a seismologist at M.I.T. Frasier: Oh well, that's perfect. Brian being a seismologist, and you having so many faults. [Lilith laughs, surprising Frasier] Lilith, you're laughing! Lilith: Well, I laugh quite a bit these days, thanks to Brian. Frasier: Oh well, Madeline is just hilarious! She also designs her own line of sportswear. Lilith: I'm sorry, I don't think I've ever worn sportswear. Madeline: So, how long are you going to stay? Lilith: Until Tuesday. [Brian puts his arm around her] Frasier: [putting his arm around Madeline] We're here till Wednesday. Lilith gives Brian a kiss. Frasier does the same to Madeline. Suddenly, Lilith grabs Brian and kisses him deeply. Frasier grabs Madeline and kisses her deeply. Both keep one eye open on the other. Brian: Well, this certainly has the potential to be very awkward. Why don't we defuse the situation by getting together for cocktails later? Madeline: Better yet, let's have dinner. Lilith: Oh, that's a wonderful idea. Why don't we meet in the Tiki Room — at six o'clock? Madeline: Great. Frasier: Looking forward to it! What a wonderful way to start out what promises to be the greatest week of our lives! FADE OUT Scene Two — Frasier's Hotel Room Frasier and Madeline come back from dinner. Frasier is fuming. Frasier: You see how Mr. Perfect kept rubbing it in, just to get my goat? Madeline: Frasier, relax. Frasier: Oh, like he had to climb that tree to get her a coconut — there were three of them on the ground! Madeline: Would you stop obsessing? Come here. Frasier: O.K. They lie down on the bed and embrace, kissing... then Frasier stops. Frasier: Hold it! What's that? Madeline: [whispering] What's what? Frasier: Lilith is making love in there! Madeline: I don't hear a thing. Frasier: Exactly! Madeline: Would you just concentrate on me, please?! Frasier: Oh, you're right, you're right. It's not like it was back in college, when that sort of thing was going on in the next room and I was left all alone with nothing but my dreams and my Henry Miller collection. You're right, I just got to block it out of my mind, just try to focus and concentrate on the task at hand! Madeline: [sarcastic] Oh, that's sexy. Frasier: You're right, forgive me. You want sexy? I'll show you sexy. He embraces her again. Madeline: I feel dirty. Frasier: Good! Madeline: No, no, I mean sandy, from sitting on the beach. Just let me take a shower. Frasier: O.K. Don't be long! Madeline: When I come back, I'll make you forget you were ever married to Lilith. Frasier: That's never happened before without a prescription! Madeline goes into the bathroom. Frasier takes off his shoes and lies back on the bed. Frasier: [relaxing] Oh yeah, oh yeah. [gets an idea and turns his head toward the wall; louder] Oh yeah... oh, it's never been like this before, never! [puts his ear to the wall] Nothing — damn her, she can give as good as she gets! [starts jumping up and down on the bed] Oh yeah, oh yeah! Oh, oh, mama! Oh God, you are so hot! I am burning up! Oh, that's it, that's it! Yes! Yes! Lilith and Brian, fully clothed, appear in the doorway; Madeline comes out of the bathroom in a towel. Not noticing them, Frasier grabs the bed's canopy and rocks it so it slams against the wall. Frasier: Oh my God, yes! Keep it up, baby! You're killing me! Oh God, you're an animal! YES, YES! He sees them and stops. Lilith turns to Brian and shrugs helplessly. Madeline: Well, obviously you don't need me! FADE TO:
Scene Three — KACL Frasier is back doing his show. Frasier: Well, before we go to our "Eye in the Sky" Chopper Dave for the traffic report, I would like to send this confidential message to Madeline M. Madeline, I'm sure your gentleman would love an opportunity to explain his behavior, but you left the island before he had a chance, and, um, you won't return his calls or answer the notes he's sent. We all know how hard it is to find love in this world, what a tragedy it is to let it slip through our fingers. I think he really cares about you. [Roz taps on the glass] This is Dr. Frasier Crane, we'll be back in a moment. He goes off the air. Roz comes in. Roz: Frasier, you were wonderful. Frasier: You really think she'll call? Roz: If the woman doesn't respond, she doesn't have a heart. Frasier: Thank you, Roz. Roz: Oh, I almost forgot! This bill came for you from your hotel in Bora Bora. Frasier: [reading it] Well, it's not too bad. I guess they had to charge me for the whole week. Roz: No, that's for the bed you trashed. Frasier: Twenty-five hundred dollars for bamboo?! Roz goes back into her booth and signals him to go back on. Frasier: Hello, this is Dr. Frasier Crane. Roz, whom do we have next? Roz: We have Vic from Seattle on line three. Frasier: Hello, Vic. I'm listening. Vic: [v.o.] Hi, Dr. Crane, thanks for taking my call. I'm a first-time caller, I'm a little nervous. Frasier: Oh, just relax, Vic — "I'm listening." Vic: Yeah, I'm really having a problem with women... Roz: [sticking her head in; whispering] Frasier, Madeline's on line one! Vic: Dr. Crane? Frasier: Oh, uh-uh, Vic, uh, something's come up in the booth, just- you know, I'll have to turn you over to my very capable producer. Vic: Uh, O.K. Roz, panicking, mouths "WHAT?! NO, NO!" Frasier ignores her and picks up the phone. Frasier: Madeline, Madeline, hi! Oh, thanks for calling. Oh, no, no, it's OK, it's OK, I'm off the air right now. Roz decides to give it a shot. Roz: So, Vic, uh, what's this trouble you're having with women? Vic: I don't know. You know, I have a good job, I think I have a good personality. 'Course, I made more money when I was modeling, but I'm doing O.K. at the law firm. Roz: [Bye-bye panic!] Tell me more. Scene Four — Apartment Daphne, Martin, and Niles are dressed for an evening out. Niles: Maris will be thrilled you're coming to see her tonight in the ballet. Daphne: Oh, we're delighted! Martin: [mumbling] Yeah. Daphne: You know, when I was younger I dreamed of being a ballerina myself. Niles: So did Maris! But the poor thing could never get her weight up enough. That's why I couldn't help myself at the ballet fundraiser when they auctioned off this walk-on part. It was the perfect gift for my Maris! Martin: So Maris is gonna be a ballerina? Niles: No. It's non-dancing, but it is a key role, Dad. She plays Ulrich, the hunchbacked drawbridge operator. Martin: I hope we can pick her out. Frasier comes in. Frasier: What are you people still doing here? Daphne: Oh, hush, we'll be long gone before your lady friend gets here. Frasier: Well, you don't want to be late for the ballet. Martin: I do! When those ballet guys start flying around in those tight pants, I don't know where to look! Daphne: Oh, that reminds me, I've got to bring my binoculars. Frasier: Will you just get out of here?! Niles: Frasier, will you relax? Frasier: I can't, it's my last chance with Madeline! Serves me right, too, after the way I behaved in Bora Bora. Niles: You're being too hard on yourself, it was just bad luck. How were you to know that Lilith had arrived on the island? Martin: Aside from the seas starting to churn and all the birds taking flight from the trees. Daphne: Oh now, don't you worry, Dr. Crane. Miss Marshall's going to forgive you. Women always appreciate a man who's sensitive enough to try again. That's why they call us the "fair sex." All right then, let's go see some leaping Russian stags! As they head out the door, they run into Madeline coming in. Martin: Oh hi, Maddy! Daphne: Oh, hello! We were just leaving for the ballet. Frasier: Madeline, come in. Niles: You two kids take your time. Don't worry about us, we'll be out all evening. Martin: Yeah, you know how it is. First the ballet, then the inevitable discussion. They leave. Frasier: Well, that was a little awkward. Madeline: So is this. Frasier: I guess there's no delaying it. I might as well just launch into my little speech, try to explain why I behaved the way I did... Madeline: You know what might be better? If I tell you how I've got it worked out. The minute you saw Lilith, you wanted to leave, but I wouldn't let you. You said you couldn't handle it, and by God, you were right! You panicked, and your panic took a bad turn — a spectacularly bad turn. Anyway, that's how I've got it worked out in my head, and it's fragile, so let's not mess with it. So, why don't you mix up a pitcher of Mai- Tai's and give me a kiss? I'll let you guess which I want first. Frasier comes over and kisses her. Madeline: Guess again. Frasier disconsolately turns away, but Madeline grabs him and kisses him again. END OF ACT ONE ACT TWO
Scene Five — Apartment Frasier and Madeline are unwinding on the couch with Mai-Tai's and slices of mango on sticks. Madeline: Mmm, delicious! I love mangoes. Frasier: Well, we never got around to sampling this tropical delicacy while we were in the islands, so I thought we should do it now. Madeline: Good thinking. [kisses him] Frasier: You know, there's something else we never got around to in Bora Bora... Madeline: Well, you got around to it. I just watched. Frasier: Well, how about a little audience participation this time? They embrace, kissing, but this time Madeline stops him. Madeline: Frasier, wait. I want this as much as you do, but there's something I need to talk to you about first. Frasier: What? Madeline: Well, I wasn't going to say anything. I-I thought I was comfortable with this and I wouldn't have to bring it up, but... well, I was involved with a divorced man once before, and just about the time that I was really falling for him... [Frasier understands] He reconciled with his ex-wife, and I'm telling you I just can't go through that again. Frasier: It's all right, Madeline. Trust me, I assure you that Lilith and I are completely finished. She lives clear on the other side of the country. Except in matters of our son, we don't even have contact. Madeline: That's all I wanted to hear. They embrace again. Eddie jumps up and stares at them. Madeline: Well, what's your name, little fella? Frasier: You promise you won't laugh? Madeline points. Frasier turns and sees Eddie. Frasier: The dog? His name is Eddie. [gets up and picks up Eddie] Come on. Pardon me while I put him back while he belongs. Madeline: I'll be waiting. For a moment Frasier turns toward the balcony, tempted to hurl Eddie over the side... then he just takes him to the hallway. Madeline picks up a stick of mango. Someone knocks on the door. She gets up and opens the door to — Lilith! Madeline: Oh God! Lilith: It's nice to see you too. Is Frasier here? Madeline: Don't you live in Boston?! Lilith: I'm here on a layover — and judging by Frasier's trademark mangoes on a stick, so are you. If you like, I can come back in ten minutes. Madeline: [getting her things] That won't be necessary. Lilith: I apologize for coming at an inopportune moment, but Frasier and I have an agreement that we'll make time for each other if either one of us has something urgent to discuss — which I do. Madeline: Take all the time you need. This whole thing's just a little too complicated for me. Madeline leaves. Lilith picks up a mango stick and sits in Martin's Armchair. Frasier comes out, sees a woman sitting in the chair, and, drawing the obvious conclusion, dims the lights to a seductive level. Frasier: Put down that mango, my dear. It's time you tasted the forbidden fruit. [Lilith turns around] YAAAHH!!! Lilith! What are you doing here?! Lilith: I have something urgent to discuss. Frasier: [looking around] What have you done with Madeline?! Lilith: She was surprised to see me and she left. Frasier rushes to the door and looks down the hallway. Lilith: I hope you're not angry with me. Frasier: Angry? [brings the lights back up] What do I have to be angry about? Just because every time I carve out the tiniest little slice of happiness for myself you come along and obliterate it? My God, woman, I'd drive a stake through your heart, but I don't think anything could kill you! Silence for a moment as Frasier regains control of himself. Lilith: Brian asked me to marry him. Frasier: What? Lilith: He wants to stop in Las Vegas on our way home. Frasier: You're getting married. Lilith: Yes. Frasier: Well... so am I! Lilith: Really? Frasier: Yes, yes, to Madeline. Lilith: Well, I just saw Madeline. She seemed in an awful hurry for someone who's getting married. Frasier: She had to buy a dress... oh, God, what am I doing? I'm not getting married. Lilith: Wow, you really had me going. Frasier, I don't want to disrupt anything. Really, I just came here hoping to get your blessing. Frasier: I could have given you my blessing over the phone. Lilith: Must you be so churlish? Frasier: Well, I think I'm entitled! I mean, the one comfort in being divorced is that you're both losers. Eventually, the time comes when one person is the first to move on. And quite frankly, I'd hoped it would be me. Lilith: Well, I'd hoped it would be me. And it was! But, I'd like to think that, had things worked out the other way around, I would have been happy for you. Frasier: Well, if you love him, I am happy for you. Lilith: I do. Brian has been a dutiful suitor for some time, and I'm convinced to within an acceptable margin of error that he loves me. Frasier: Does Frederick like him? Lilith: Oh, he's crazy about him. Somehow, that hurts more than anything that's happened so far. Frasier: Oh... Lilith: [seeing it] Oh, Frasier, Brian could never take your place that way. You're Frederick's father. Frasier: [grateful] Congratulations. He hugs her. Then Martin, Daphne, and Niles come back. Frasier's body hides Lilith. Daphne: Well, it looks like they made up! They break apart. Martin: AAH! Frasier: Hello, everyone. Niles: Lilith, what a pleasant surprise! Well, how was Bora Bora? I've never seen you looking quite so tan. Daphne: My God, what does she look like in winter? Frasier: Everyone, we have some very happy news: Lilith is going to be married again. Martin: [guardedly] To who? Frasier: Someone else. Martin is so overjoyed he drops his cane in his rush across the room to shake Lilith's hand. Martin: Oh, that's great! Congratulations! Wonderful! Niles comes over to shake her hand also (and bring the cane). Niles: Just wonderful, when's the happy occasion? Lilith: Tomorrow, in Las Vegas. Niles: [laughs] Oh, Lilith, how delightfully kitschy! It's your second marriage, so you've decided to poke fun at the institution by getting married in the tackiest place you could possible choose! Lilith: Brian's family lives in Las Vegas. Niles: Well... isn't that convenient? You'll have someone to show you the museums. Lilith: It was lovely seeing you all again. Frasier: I'll just walk you out. They go out into the hallway together. Lilith calls the elevator. Lilith: Well, I hope you haven't found all this too unsettling. Frasier: No, no. You know, I think it's actually good that you're getting remarried. I mean, otherwise we could have spent the rest of our lives wondering whether our divorce was a mistake, if we should have tried to work it out. Was it me, was it you, was it us, was it you? Now we can move on. Lilith: What's next for you? Frasier: I suppose I'll try to smooth things over with Madeline. Lilith: Try very hard, Frasier. She seems worth it. Frasier: Well, she'll need convincing. You know, I guess I could ask her back to Bora Bora with me, try again. [excited] You know, I'll lay on the whole package this time. I'll buy the airplane tickets first, pay for the hotel, get a limo, champagne and caviar, the whole nine yards. With any luck I'll sweep her off her feet and into my bed... I do own it, you know. Lilith smiles. The elevator comes. Lilith: Would you like to kiss the bride? Frasier: It'd be my pleasure. They kiss, and she steps onto the elevator. Lilith: You're really happy for me? Frasier: Well, yes, of course. You'll understand, though, if I don't jump up and down and yell "Yippee!" Lilith: [as the elevator doors close] Yes, I've already seen that. And she's gone. Frasier's not entirely O.K.... but he will be. FADE TO: Scene Five — Bora Bora Exactly as before, Frasier opens the door to his balcony, and looks out at the sea. Everything is just perfect. Behind him, Madeline crosses the room wearing only a towel. Madeline: Now why don't we pick up where we left off, Frasier? Frasier turns around. The towel drops to the floor. Frasier: Oh, my God... Diane: Frasier? This time the woman next door is Diane Chambers! Frasier: OH, MY GOD! SMASH CUT TO: Frasier starts awake in a deck chair. He's still in Bora Bora, at the same bungalow, but the balcony next door is empty. Frasier: Oh God, I just had the most frightening dream! Thank God I'm here with you. Niles opens the balcony door. Niles: Frasier, we have all week to analyze your dream. Right now, there's a huge bug in the shower! Frasier sighs, gets up, and ceremoniously removes one shoe. Niles gives him two thumbs up. END OF ACT TWO Credits: As Niles stands on the balcony, Frasier pursues the bug out of the bathroom and into the bedroom, hammering down with his shoe and missing. It scurries under the bed, and up the wall behind the canopy. With familiar motions, Frasier jumps onto the bed and slams the canopy against the wall.

Guest Appearances

 Special Guest Stars
 SHELLEY LONG as Diane Chambers
 JoBETH WILLIAMS as Madeline Marshall

 Guest Starring

 Guest Callers

Legal Stuff

 This episode capsule is copyright 2000 by Nick Hartley, Mike Lee.
 This episode summary remains property of Frasier, Copyright 
 of Paramount Productions and NBC. Printed without permission. 

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