[7.2]Father Of The Bride


Father Of The Bride                           Written by Mark Reisman
                                              Directed by David Lee
=====================================================================
Production Code: 7.2.
Episode Number In Production Order: 145.
Original Airdate on NBC: 30th September 1999
Original Airdate on CH4: 14th January 2000
Episode filmed on 17th August 1999 
Synopsis written on 30th September 1999
Transcript written on 29th January 2000
Transcript revised first on 20th May 2001.

Donny Douglas Episodes

- [6.15] To Tell The Truth.
- [6.16] Decoys.
- [6.22] Visions Of Daphne. 
- [6.23] Shut Out In Seattle [1].
- [6.24] Shut Out In Seattle [2].

Transcript {nicholas hartley}

Act One.

Scene One - Café Nervosa.
Frasier is flicking through some magazines when Roz comes to join him.

    Roz: [sitting] Oh hey, Frasier.  Catalogues?
Frasier: Yes.  I'm trying to find the perfect wedding gift for Daphne 
         and Donny.
    Roz: Oh, right.  Well, I guess now that they've set a date, I'll be 
         getting my bridesmaid draft notice.
Frasier: You know Roz, she might not even ask you.
    Roz: [positive] Oh, she'll ask me.  They all do.  The next thing 
         I know I'm wearing some revolting puffy-sleeved dress made 
         from the same material that keeps the space shuttle from 
         burning up on re-entry.
Frasier: You know, Roz, Daphne might just surprise you and pick a 
         dress you like.
    Roz: Oh, impossible.  They're always ugly; that's why the bride 
         makes sure she's the prettiest one at the wedding.
Frasier: That's awfully cynical.
    Roz: Oh yeah, when was the last time you found yourself staring at 
         the bridesmaid instead of the bride? [signals to the waitress]
Frasier: That would have been at my wedding to Lilith.

Roz, not getting the attention of the waitress, heads over to the 
counter.  Then Niles enters and sits with his brother.

  Niles: Hello Frasier.
Frasier: Oh, Niles.
  Niles: Frasier, do you remember the time the Kreizel brothers tied 
         me to their Great Dane and lobbed meatballs down their gravel 
         driveway?
Frasier: I've told you Niles, I would have helped you, but their sister 
         was holding me down.
  Niles: No, my point is - [to waitress] Cappuccino, please [to 
         Frasier] - even that experience was less painful than the 
         date I was just on.  She was... [takes a cat hair from his 
         jacket and puts it on the floor] ...a cat person.  She 
         brought her cat on our date.  Well, she had good reason, it 
         was Mr. Waggles's birthday.  Actually his birthday party. 
         Actually, his surprise birthday party.
Frasier: I'm sorry, where on earth did you meet this woman?
  Niles: At Nordstroms.  We both reached for the same cashmere throw 
         and she said she needed something to keep her waggles warm. 
         I thought it was a coy euphemism. [the waitress brings his 
         coffee] Thank you.
Frasier: Well, Niles, I certainly understand your being upset, but you 
         know, you've got to keep on looking.  
  Niles: Well, trust me, with Daphne getting married, I have no choice 
         but to press on.  But I'm going to change my strategy.  Do 
         you recall, the other day at the health club, Tony Hubner 
         gave me that phone number?
Frasier: Dear God, Niles, not a dating service?
  Niles: No, it's not a dating service.  An "Introduction Network" for 
         busy professionals.  I've given them my vital statistics, 
         there's an extensive screening process, they bill me at the 
         end of the month.
Frasier: Niles, please.  They are all money-grubbing con-artists who 
         prey on the pathetic and the lonely.  God's sakes, you sign 
         up with visions of some Ph.D., and what do they deliver?  A 
         buck-toothed librarian who needs help washing her mother! 
         Are you really that desperate?
  Niles: Half an hour ago, I had my back leg tethered to Mr. Waggles's 
         forepaw and we came in third in the five-legged race.
Frasier: Geez, you'd think they'd let him win on his birthday.

FADE OUT

Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment.
As Frasier enters he hears Daphne on the phone to her mother.

 Daphne: I know, mum, but it is my wedding.  I've given into you on 
         so many things.  Couldn't this one thing go my way? [pause] 
         I just don't like those tiny corns in my salad. [pause] No, 
         I don't hate you. [pause] Well, that's just not true.  I'm 
         glad you're alive. [pause] All right, all right, tiny corn 
         it is.  I've got to run now, cheery bye. [hangs up] That was 
         mum, she had a thought about the salad.
Frasier: Something tells me yesterday's crouton skirmish wasn't the 
         end of it.
 Daphne: I suppose she can be a bit overbearing.  But as she often 
         points out, she is paying for the wedding and I am her only 
         daughter and giving birth to me was so painful she did bite 
         through a kitchen spoon.
Frasier: Daphne, just don't let you mother guilt you into having the 
         wedding she wants instead of the wedding you want.
 Daphne: Oh, don't worry, mum already promised me I could have the 
         wedding I want, as soon as I have a daughter who gets 
         engaged.

Daphne exits to her bedroom.  Frasier enters the kitchen where he 
finds Martin with a box of jerky.

Frasier: Hiya, Dad.
 Martin: Oh, Fras.  You'll love this stuff I got from the farmer's 
         market.  This guy takes the juiciest cut of filet mignon, 
         slices it real thin and makes jerky out of it.
Frasier: Look Dad, I don't...

Martin throws it into his mouth, you can tell he is disgusted.

Frasier: Yes, if only I had a nice powdered Cabernet to go with it. 
         Listen, have you given any thought to Daphne's wedding 
         present?
 Martin: Now Frasier, not everyone likes jerky as much as you and me.
Frasier: No, I just want to get her something special, especially 
         since her mother seems to be taking all the joy out of it 
         for her.
 Martin: Oh, well, how about a nice piece of luggage?  You know, a 
         good hard suitcase, like the kind people used to put stickers 
         on to show everybody where they've been.  Remember your 
         grandad's?  His whole life was on it: Topeka, Sioux Falls, 
         Biloxi... it was like a map of the world.
Frasier: What a loss to us all that he failed to write his memoirs. 
         I'm thinking of something that would matter to Daphne. 
         [hiccups] Oh, something that shows her how we feel. 
         [hiccups] Good Lord, that's a little spicy, isn't it? [gets a 
         bottle of water from fridge] You know, maybe we should get 
         something for her wedding.
 Martin: Like what?
Frasier: Well, I don't know, her flowers, say?  That's it, we could 
         offer to pay for her wedding flowers. 
 Martin: That's a bit pricy, isn't it?
Frasier: Well don't worry about it, Dad. [hiccups] You just donate 
         what you can and I'll pay for the rest. [hiccups] God, what 
         was in that jerky?
 Martin: Well, you just ate it too fast.  Next time you have to savor 
         it a little.
Frasier: Dad, I'm never going to taste that vile stuff again. 
         [hiccups] Oh, spoke too soon.

Frasier enters the room to find Daphne.

Frasier: Daphne, may I have a word with you, please?
 Daphne: What is it, Dr. Crane?
Frasier: Well, it's about you wedding gift.  Now, I know it's not 
         traditionally the role of a friend but we consider you 
         family, so please don't say no.  Dad and I would be honoured 
         to pay for your wedding... [hiccups]
 Daphne: [taking it in] Pay for my wedding?
Frasier: [holds out his hand but hiccups]
 Daphne: How wonderful! [hugs a hiccuping Frasier] I could never 
         imagine.

Martin enters with the jerky.

 Martin: What's all the hubbub?
 Daphne: Dr. Crane, just told me about your incredible wedding present. 
         You people are heaven-sent.
 Martin: Well, I'm glad you like it.  You know what, we're going to 
         throw in a piece of luggage as well.
 Daphne: [tearful] I'm just so overwhelmed. 

Daphne exits to the kitchen.

 Martin: See, I told you, everybody loves luggage.
Frasier: Dad, she thinks we're paying for her whole wedding.
 Martin: What?
Frasier: Well, I tried to say wedding flowers, but then I hiccuped.
 Martin: Well, I'm not paying for her wedding.
Frasier: Of course not, I'm just going to clear this whole thing up 
         right now before it goes any further. [calls] Daphne!

Daphne enters.

 Daphne: You know what this means, don't you?  Now that mum's not 
         paying, she can't make me have it in England.  I can have 
         my wedding how I want it, where I want it: right here. 
         You've answered my prayers. [cries in delight and exits 
         back to kitchen]

Frasier and Martin look at each other.  The doorbell sounds.

 Daphne: [o.s] Could someone let Donny in? 
 Martin: Well look, Donny's a very traditional guy.  He's not going 
         to let us pay for his wedding.
Frasier: Right, you saw how he proposed to her; on bended knee.  
         He's nothing but a hopeless romantic. 

And so Frasier opens the door to hear Donny on the phone saying:

  Donny: Any idiot knows you've got to pay a hooker in cash!  I'm at a 
         meeting, I'll call you later, bye. [hangs up and greets the 
         rest] I've got this client, he's in the middle of a divorce, 
         right, and his wife finds all these charges from this place 
         called "Executive Match."  It turns out to be a call girl 
         service.  When she gets through with him she'll have his 
         house, his car, she'd have his beach house too if I hadn't 
         already taken it.  Women!

Then Daphne bursts in and hugs Donny, still excited.

  Donny: Hi, honey.
 Daphne: Hi sweetie. [kisses him] Have they told you yet?
  Donny: Told me what?
 Daphne: You're not going to believe this, but Dr. Crane and his 
         father have offered to pay for our entire wedding.
  Donny: [takes it in] Is this a joke?
Frasier: It could be.
  Donny: I mean, it's one thing for us to let your family pay, they're 
         your parents, it's traditional.  But this is...
Frasier: Going too far?  Being presumptuous?
 Martin: Yeah, we don't want to step on any toes.
 Daphne: I didn't think you'd be uncomfortable with this.
Frasier: Well, he clearly is, Daphne.
 Martin: Donny's right!  We're not family.

Frasier and Martin try to get out of it until Donny realises his bad 
manners.

  Donny: Wait, wait, wait, what am I doing?  Here you guys, you're 
         making this lovely gesture and I'm just insulting you.  I mean 
         if you guys are not family to Daphne, then who is?  Course you 
         can pay for the wedding.  Thank you, thank you.

Donny hugs Frasier and Martin who cringe at the thought of the cost.

 Daphne: I just knew he'd see how much this meant to you.  I'm tearing 
         up again.
  Donny: No, don't start with the water works because you're going to 
         get me going. [notices jerky] What's this?  Jerky?  Can I 
         have some of that?
 Martin: Help yourself.
  Donny: [reads box] Made from filet mignon.  How much did this stuff 
         set you back?
Frasier: You have no idea!

End of Act One. 

Act Two.

Scene One - Café Nervosa.
Daphne is going through her plans for the wedding with Frasier.

 Daphne: Now, as far as the reception goes, I've narrowed it down to 
         two places.  I'm leaning towards "Captain Jonah's."  The view 
         of the water's lovely.  But you have to walk through a whale's 
         mouth to get inside.
Frasier: I hesitate to ask how you exit.
 Daphne: I've got to run.  I've a meeting with the DJ.

Daphne leaves.  The woman seated behind Frasier, covering her head 
with a newspaper puts her read down, revealing herself as Roz.  She 
comes over.

    Roz: I thought she'd never leave!
Frasier: Good God, Roz, how long have you been there?
    Roz: Since you two walked in and trapped me.
Frasier: Aren't you taking this a bit too far just trying to avoid an 
         unflattering dress?
    Roz: Yeah, I thought you'd say that.  That's why I've been carrying 
         around this picture of the last time I was a bridesmaid.

Roz hands her photo to Frasier.

Frasier: Good Lord, Roz, you look like you've been tented for termites.

Roz whips the photo back again.

    Roz: Well, it sounds like she's having fun planning her wedding.
Frasier: Yes, well, now that she can have things her way and not her 
         mother's.
    Roz: She's lucky you came along.
Frasier: Well, yes and no.  You know, I sit here and let her make 
         questionable choices and I say nothing because I know it's 
         going to cost me less.  I'm sorry, I've got to change my 
         thinking about this whole thing.  What good is my money, if 
         I'm denying her the best gift I have to offer: my taste and 
         expertise?  Frankly, what Daphne really deserves is the gift 
         of Frasier.
    Roz: Suddenly that crock pot I'm giving them doesn't sound so bad. 
Frasier: Oh, shut up!

Roz exits as Niles appears from the back of the café with a delightful 
smile upon his face.

Frasier: Hello, Niles.  You look like a man who's been waiting to be 
         asked why he's grinning.
  Niles: Oh, I was just thinking about the other day when you said 
         how you thought dating services were all a big con.  Well, 
         I just got conned into meeting the most enchanting woman.
Frasier: I don't know what to say.
  Niles: And I owe it all to "Executive Match."
Frasier: Now I do.  The name of this service is "Executive Match?"
  Niles: Right, and you thought these women all beneath me.
Frasier: Beneath you and countless others. Niles, do you have any 
         idea...

Then Sabrina walks in.  She looks like the average ditzy blonde.  
She is on her cell phone.  Niles calls her, but Sabrina signals 
him to pipe down and she'll be with him in a second.

  Niles: She's always on the phone.  Whatever it is she does for a 
         living, she's in great demand.
Frasier: So you have no idea what line of work Sabrina's in.
  Niles: I'm guessing high-priced lawyer.  I heard her quote her hourly 
         rate on the phone.  Believe me, you don't want to be on the 
         receiving end of that bill. [laughs]
Frasier: Niles, I feel I must warn you...
  Niles: Oh please, spare me your condescending advice.  Why can't you 
         simply say you were wrong?
Frasier: You have no idea what you're doing!
  Niles: I know exactly what I'm doing!  And you could learn a thing 
         or two from me, Mister One-Date-And It's Over.  I am taking 
         it slow with Sabrina. 
Frasier: You mean you haven't?
  Niles: ...haven't?
Frasier: Haven't...?
  Niles: Oh, please!  Are you mad, you don't proposition a woman like 
         that on the first date.  Last night, I dropped her home after 
         dinner with nothing more than a courtly kiss on the wrist. 
         Tonight may proceed to hand holding.  If all goes well, in 
         two weeks I shall storm the citadel of her womanhood.

Sabrina comes over.  Niles stands and kisses her wrist.

  Niles: Sabrina, this is Frasier.
Frasier: Hello, lovely to meet you.
Sabrina: Nice to meet you.  You really have a great brother.  He's 
         charming and witty and intelligent and handsome. [laughs]
  Niles: I paid her to say that. [laughs]
Frasier: Of course you did!

FADE TO:

THE GIFT OF FRASIER
Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment. The room is full of things for the wedding. The dinner table is complete with tablecloths, flowers and food. There is a harp next to the piano. Frasier is just showing the florist out as the doorbell sounds. He opens the door to the dove man (who has a box of doves with him) and Daphne. Frasier: Finally, the doves have arrived. Come in, come in. [he does] [to florist] Lathbert, thank you so much for coming, lovely flowers, I'll let you know. Daphne: [enters and closes door] Dr. Crane, was that the florist for my wedding? Frasier: In his dreams! God, the man's arrangements are one big cliché. Look at this, his answer to everything is baby's breath, baby's breath, baby's breath. [points to flowers] Daphne: Does that woman with the harp have something to do with my wedding too? Frasier: No, Daphne, she's selling them door to door. Of course it's for your wedding. She's auditioning. Daphne: Dr. Crane, I really don't think... Then Martin enters from his room. Martin: Oh good, Daphne, you're here too. Listen, I want to show you guys a little something I thought up for the wedding. [acting as a minister] It is now the time in the ceremony for the rings. May I have them, please? Eddie runs in with a little basket containing two rings. He runs up and jumps on the couch, allowing Martin to take them. Martin: Course, it's a lot more effective when he's in his little tux. Frasier: Dad, please, it's all just a bit much, isn't it? We don't want to turn this wedding into a circus. Now, the dove man. Daphne: Dr. Crane, about the doves... Frasier: Just picture it, Daphne. Aren't they something? As you and Donny exit the church one dozen white birds of peace will be released and circle above. Of course, we'll use fourteen in actuality - the power lines always take out a few. Frasier lets the dove man out. Daphne: Dr. Crane, about the doves, well it just seems a little grand. I mean, what's wrong with throwing a bit of rice? Frasier: Well, if you want rice, of course, you'll have rice. [then] Sometimes it seems nothing I do is good enough. Daphne: No, no, no, I suppose doves will be fine. Martin: [noticed a reverend in the kitchen] Frasier, is that Reverend Franklin in the kitchen? Frasier: Yes it is, Dad. Martin: You're auditioning our minister for the wedding? Daphne: Don't you think Donny and I should have a say in who marries us? Frasier: Of course, Daphne, I'm just whittling down the possibilities. The final choice is yours. Chef Marco then enters with some cooked mushrooms from the kitchen. Marco: Who's tasting the first course? Frasier: Oh, that would me. [Marco exits] Daphne: Who's that? Frasier: That's Chef Marco from the Mercer Club, Daphne. Today we'll be sampling each of our four courses. Daphne: No, I was planning on serving a buffet. That way people can mingle, it's more festive. Frasier: We are talking about your wedding, not brunch with all the fixin's at "Billy Bob's Blackjack Boomtown." The doorbell sounds. Frasier opens the door to Niles on the arm of Sabrina. Niles: Hello, Frasier, you remember Sabrina. Frasier: Yes, of course, lovely to see you. Niles, what are you doing here? Niles: Oh, we're out for an afternoon of bird watching. It's the start of mating season, you know. [winks at Frasier] Just wanted to introduce my new girlfriend to Dad. Dad, this is Sabrina. They give their greetings. Martin: [impressed] Hey, nice to meet you. Sabrina: Nice to meet you too. I should really call my office, about how long do you think we'll be gone? Niles: Er, about eight hours. Sabrina: Great! Sabrina goes off to the hallway as Frasier responds to Sabrina's last remark. The doorbell sounds again. Daphne answers it to Roz, who tries to get away quickly. She has papers in her hand. Roz: Oh, Daphne, I didn't know you were going to be here. I just want to drop these off for Frasier. [hands them to her] Daphne: Roz, I'm glad you dropped by, I need to talk to you about my wedding. Do you mind if we speak in the hallway? Roz: Actually, I don't have much time. Daphne: [follows her into hallway and shuts door behind her] Well, then I'll get right to it. However the elevator opens to a delivery man with a dress. Deliveryman: Excuse me, do you know where Dr. Crane lives? Daphne: Right here, can I help you? Deliveryman: I'm dropping off this bridesmaid dress. Daphne: Oh, I'll take that. I'm the bride. The delivery man goes back down in the elevator. As Daphne goes on with her speech, Roz examines the beautiful silk wedding dress. She is hardly listening to Daphne. Daphne: What I need to ask you is, how do you ever get Dr. Crane to listen to you... Roz: Is this the bridesmaid dress? Daphne: He's driving me mad. He doesn't listen to anything I say... Roz: The woman you ask to be bridesmaid gets to wear this? Daphne: And the worst part is... Roz: Is that silk? Daphne: Well, he's just like my mother, controlling and stubborn. I mean, what am I going to do? Roz: [then] Well, Daphne, it's your wedding. Just tell Frasier how you feel. Daphne: Yeah, well that's a bit difficult for me. You see, there was no talking to my mother. Anytime I sort of tried all I hear is "Just do it my way, you'll thank me later." Every time she said that I just wanted to explode. Roz: Look, Frasier's a reasonable guy. Just go in there and be direct. Daphne: You're right, I'm going to and... Roz, I was going to ask you if you wanted to be one of my bridesmaids? Roz: [obvious acting] Oh my God, are you serious? This is coming out of nowhere. I'd love to. They hug. [N.B. In fact, Jane Leeves was a bridesmaid at Peri Gilpin's wedding to her husband, artist Christian Vincent.] Daphne: Don't worry. Once I'm in charge you won't have to wear this thing Dr. Crane picked out. I mean, he calls this a bridesmaid dress! The sleeves aren't even puffy. Daphne enters the apartment as Roz angrily presses the lift button. Meanwhile, Martin and Sabrina are chatting away. Martin: So, how long have you guys been seeing each other? Sabrina: Let's see. Since we've met it's been about seventeen, no, eighteen hours. Niles: She actually counts the minutes we've been together. Frasier: Niles, may I see you in the kitchen? Niles: Excuse me. Frasier heads to the kitchen with Niles. Daphne stops them. Daphne: [confronting] Dr. Crane, I need to talk to you. Frasier: Not now, Daphne. Daphne: [nervous] All right. Niles and Frasier enter the kitchen. Niles: All right, what is it? Frasier: Niles, it's about Sabrina. She's a prostitute. Niles: Frasier, I don't like lawyers anymore than you do, but frankly a man whose face is plastered on every bus in town should be careful what terms he bandies about. Frasier: Niles! "Executive Match" is an escort service. One of Donny's clients was caught using them. Niles: I don't believe you. Frasier: Niles, does Sabrina laugh at everything you say, is she fascinated by everything about you, even your collections? Niles: Well, yes. Actually, I even showed her my rarely-seen collection of eighteenth century Portuguese bud vases. Frasier: And how did she react? Niles: Well, if you must know, she was rather aroused. She said she loved a man who collected porcelain and- [clicks] Oh my God, I'm dating a whore! They have my credit card number, I've been running up a tab! [looks at watch and calculates bill] I've got to get her out of here! Niles rushes into the living room with Frasier. The gang are in with Reverend Franklin. Niles: Sabrina, we should be going. Martin: What's the hurry? We're having a nice conversation. Sabrina: Yeah, I love your dad. Frasier: Did I mention he used to be a police officer? Sabrina: Maybe we should go. [gets up] Franklin: Surely you can stay a little while, I haven't seen Niles in ages. [to Sabrina] You know, I used to teach him in Sunday school. Martin: Oh, you know Reverend, I can still remember dropping him off for his first class. It seems like only yesterday. Suddenly harp music begins playing. The type that is used in movies when they are having a flashback. Everybody thinks this weird and starts looking around only to find it to be the harp player auditioning. Frasier: Oh, Daphne, I believe I have chosen your bouquet. [picks one up] It's hand-woven out of pygmy orchids. Daphne: Dr. Crane, I really need to talk to you. Frasier: Well, of course, Daphne. First let's sample the Porcinni mushrooms. They're exquisite. Daphne: But I don't like mushrooms! Frasier: You only think you don't, you haven't tried these. Daphne: Dr. Crane, this is really... Frasier: Try this for me, you'll thank me later. Daphne: [bursts angrily] You'll thank me later?! I've heard that my whole life, well, no more! [chasing Frasier round the room] I'm doing my wedding my way. And if that means I want rice instead of doves and a DJ instead of a harp, then that's what I'll have. I don't want your advice, I don't want your money and I don't want your mushrooms. I'm in charge of this wedding now. [picks up bouquet] And what kind of a git walks down the aisle carrying something of pygmy orchids! Daphne throws the bouquet angrily and marches off to her room. Sabrina catches the bouquet and links her arm with Niles. The two are now standing in front of Reverend Franklin as the harp player strikes up Handel's "Wedding March." Niles takes the bouquet and throws them on the floor. They all look at him. FADE TO: Scene Three - Frasier's Apartment. Later that day, Martin and Eddie are sat at the dinner table as Frasier walks back from a visit to Daphne's room. Martin: Is she all right? Frasier: She's fine. We had a nice talk. Martin: Well, that's good. Wedding still on track? Frasier: Absolutely. Martin: You just got a little carried away, that's all. Frasier: Oh, I guess so, yeah. You know, it suddenly occurred to me when I was talking to Daphne that I never really got the wedding of my dreams either. Oh sure, you know, my first one was a little clandestine affair we dashed off at the city hall. I could have hardly imagined a wedding more lacking in ceremony. Until my second wedding, which was lacking a bride. Then came Lilith. If I knew then what I know now, I would have walked down the aisle with the ice sculpture and had her stand by the buffet table to keep the shrimp cold. Martin: Oh, so you've had a few bad weddings. Frasier: I guess I was just taking my last best shot at the wedding I shall never have for myself. Martin: Oh, come on. Frasier: Oh, let's face it, Dad: I'm no spring chicken. Do you really see me getting married again? Martin: Well, I guess I've had my doubts, but right here, right now, I think: yeah, you're going to meet someone. Frasier: Do you really think so? Martin: Yes I do and I'll tell you why. If Niles can meet a great gal like Sabrina, then there's hope for all of us. He gets up and exits. Despite Martin's mistake, Frasier can't help but smile. End of Act Two. Credits: Café Nervosa: Roz is waiting when Daphne enters with the bridesmaid dress of her choice - emerald green satin, puffy sleeves and gold bows. It's hideous. Roz pretends enthusiasm as Daphne holds it up to her, then piles Roz's hair on top of her head in the fashion she imagines for the wedding, and gets choked up at how beautiful she thinks Roz looks. Roz maintains a cheerful front till Daphne turns her back, then she collapses in tears.

Guest Appearances

 Special Guest Star
 SAUL RUBINEK as Donny

 Guest Starring
 LORYN LOCKLIN as Sabrina 
 WILSON BELL as Marco 
 GREG CALLAHAN as Rev. Franklin 
 KIPP SHIOTANI as delivery guy 

Synopsis {kathy churay}

ACT ONE

SCENE ONE - CAFE NERVOSA - DAY

Frasier is leafing through catalogs at a table as Roz comes in. 
Intrigued, she pulls up a chair as Frasier tells her he's looking for 
the perfect wedding gift for Daphne and Donny.  Roz observes glumly 
that she'll probably be asked to be a bridesmaid and forced to wear a 
hideous dress.  Frasier tries half-heartedly to convince her that 
perhaps Daphne won't ask, but Roz isn't buying it.  She wanders off 
glumly to get a coffee.

Niles comes into the cafe and dusts off Roz's chair to sit down,
recounting as he does so his just-ended disastrous date with a woman 
he met at a department store.  She is, he shudders, a cat person -- 
one who brought her cat on their date because it was the cat's 
surprise birthday party.   Frasier encourages him to keep trying, and 
Niles replies very matter-of-factly that with Daphne getting married, 
he has no choice. His new plan is to try an introduction service 
recommended by a male friend at their health club.  Frasier tries to 
persuade him that such services take advantage of the desperate and 
lonely, and rarely produce any results, but Niles is determined.

SCENE TWO - FRASIER'S APARTMENT - LATER

Daphne is on the phone arguing with her mother about salad as Frasier
comes home.  Hanging up, she explains that her mother is full of 
advice and plans for the wedding, since she's paying for it.  Frasier 
advises Daphne not to let her mother guilt her into changing her 
whole idea of what the wedding should be, but Daphne isn't convinced.

She exits to her room as Frasier goes into the kitchen, where he 
finds Martin munching on some beef jerky made from filet mignon.  
Frasier has no chance to decline a sample as Martin pops it 
unexpectedly into Frasier's mouth.   As Frasier chews he broaches the 
idea of a joint wedding gift to Martin, who thinks a piece of luggage 
is a good idea. But Frasier, who has developed a sudden case of 
hiccups from the beef jerky, grabs for a bottled water as he tells 
Martin that Daphne should be allowed to have the kind of wedding she 
wants, not what her mother wants. He proposes that he and Martin 
should pay for the wedding flowers. Martin protests the cost, but 
Frasier argues that Martin should give what he can, and Frasier will 
pay for the rest.

Still hiccuping, Frasier heads to the living room with his bottled 
water, where he runs into Daphne.  He explains that he and his father 
would be honored to pay for the wedding -- but is interrupted by 
hiccups before he can say "flowers".  Daphne, of course, 
misunderstands that they want to pay for the whole wedding.  She is 
overjoyed and hugs Martin enthusiastically as he comes in, before she 
rushes off to the kitchen.

Martin is aghast when Frasier tells him about the misunderstanding. 
Frasier vows he will clear it up immediately, but when he calls 
Daphne back into the living room, she can hardly speak for tearful 
gratitude. At last she will have the wedding she wants, instead of 
letting her mother run the show.  She declares the Cranes are the 
answer to her prayers, and rushes off to her room in tears.  Frasier 
and Martin begin to panic, but Frasier points out that surely Donny 
will never let them pay for the wedding.  He's not only a 
traditionalist, but a hopeless romantic.  Just then the doorbell 
rings, and Frasier goes to answer it.

It's Donny the hopeless romantic, on his cell phone telling a client
bluntly that "any idiot knows you gotta pay a hooker in cash."  As he
hangs up he explains that the client, in the midst of a divorce, 
stupidly ran up credit card charges at an escort service called 
Executive Match.  Now his wife is trying to take him for everything 
she can in the divorce. "Women!" exclaims Donny disgustedly.

Daphne runs in and tells Donny about the Cranes' offer to pay for the
wedding.  Donny is taken aback, and Frasier and Martin eagerly try to
capitalize on his hesitation and back out of the offer.  But Daphne 
is crestfallen and Donny relents, admitting that the Cranes are like 
family to her.  Martin and Frasier glumly depart to give Donny and 
Daphne some privacy.

ACT TWO

SCENE ONE - CAFE NERVOSA - MORNING

Frasier is trying to listen patiently as Daphne explains her plan to 
hold the reception at Captain Jonah's, a whale-shaped restaurant on 
the waterfront.  He rolls his eyes at her gaucherie as she rushes off 
for a meeting with a DJ, and Roz emerges from behind a newspaper at 
the next table.  She's been hiding there since Daphne and Frasier 
came in, trying to avoid Daphne so she won't be asked to be a 
bridesmaid.   

Frasier observes disgustedly that he's been sitting and listening to
Daphne make bad choices about her wedding, and not trying to dissuade 
her because he knows it will cost less than the kind of wedding he 
would prefer.  He decides that the best gift he could give her is the 
gift of his taste and expertise in arranging the wedding.  Roz is 
disgusted and takes her leave.

Niles comes over from the coffee bar carrying his cappucino and 
wearing a satisfied grin.  Frasier dutifully asks him about his good 
mood, and Niles replies smugly that he's just met the most enchanting 
woman through his new dating service -- Executive Match.  Frasier 
starts to break the bad news, but he is interrupted by the arrival of 
Sabrina, Niles's new girlfriend.  She waves to Niles but continues to 
chat away on her cell phone.  

Niles observes to Frasier that whatever it is she does for a living,
she's in great demand.  Once again Frasier tries to warn him off, but
Niles thinks Frasier is just being jealous.  Frasier delicately 
inquires how far the relationship has gone, and Niles is aghast to 
think that he would proposition such a charming woman on a first 
date.  His plan is to proceed very slowly, and perhaps after two 
weeks he will have the opportunity to "storm the citadel of her 
womanhood."   Sabrina finally arrives at the table and introductions 
are made.  Sabrina is full of compliments on Niles's charm, wit, 
intelligence and good looks.  Niles beams as Frasier rolls his eyes 
knowingly.

SCENE TWO - FRASIER'S APARTMENT - LATER THAT DAY

Frasier opens the door to usher in a man bearing doves for the 
wedding and usher out a prospective florist who has clearly not made 
the grade. Daphne follows him inside and looks around in bewilderment 
at a living room that's turned into a food and beverage trade show.   
The dining table is set with an elegant white tablecloth, place 
settings of fine china,  and the chic sample flower arrangement.  A 
harpist is set up near the piano to audition, and a caterer sweeps 
out of the kitchen bearing the first of four sample courses he's 
prepared for Frasier to taste.  She protests weakly as Martin enters 
from the bedroom, announces a great surprise he's planned for the 
wedding, and begins to conduct a mock wedding ceremony.  As he asks 
for the rings, Eddie trots in from the bedroom carrying a tiny basket 
and playing the part of the ring bearer.  

Daphne tries to tell Frasier she doesn't want to release doves at the 
end of the ceremony -- just a little throwing of rice will do.  
Frasier gets into one of his patented snits, complaining that nothing 
he does seems to be good enough.  Daphne backs down, until Martin 
points out that Frasier has even invited the family's minister to 
talk to them.  She protests a bit more loudly that she and Donny 
should have a say in who marries them. The caterer chooses this 
moment to enter from the kitchen with the first of four courses for 
tasting, and Daphne objects that she wants to have a buffet so people 
can mingle and be more festive.  Frasier is not amused.

The doorbell rings and it's Niles, accompanied by Sabrina.  They're
headed off to an afternoon of bird watching, and Sabrina is 
particularly pleased to learn that they'll be gone for about eight 
hours.  Niles introduces her to Martin, who is clearly impressed with 
Niles's ability to meet women.  Just then Roz shows up with 
invitations for Frasier to look over, and Daphne drags her out into 
the hallway for a desperate private conversation.  

SCENE THREE - THE HALLWAY

Daphne begs Roz to tell her how to get Frasier to listen to her, and 
Roz is trying to get away before she's asked to serve as bridesmaid.  
She changes her mind quickly, however, when a delivery man shows up 
with a drop-dead gorgeous bridesmaid's dress of fine white silk.  She 
advises Daphne to tell Frasier how she feels and not let herself be 
ordered around.  Daphne stiffens her spine and agrees, asking Roz 
almost as an afterthought to be a bridesmaid.  Roz fakes surprise but 
doesn't have to pretend enthusiasm at the thought of wearing the 
elegant dresses, and leaves after promising to stand up in the 
wedding.

SCENE FOUR - THE APARTMENT

Daphne returns to the apartment, where Martin is asking Sabrina how 
long she and Niles have known each other.  Sabrina replies with great
satisfaction that it's been all of 18 hours now.  Frasier has had 
enough and drags Niles off to the kitchen for a talk.

In the kitchen he grills Niles about Sabrina.  Niles replies 
indignantly that Sabrina is fascinated by everything about him, and 
even seems to have been aroused by the sight of his collection of 
18th century Portugese bud vases.  This last observation cracks his 
denial, and he realizes with horror that Executive Match is running 
up an enormous tab on his credit card.  Niles rushes back into the 
living room and suggests to Sabrina that they leave.  She is having 
fun talking to Martin, but her cheer evaporates when Frasier observes 
pointedly that Martin used to be a police officer and she rises to 
leave.  

Fraiser chooses this moment to tell Daphne that he has chosen her
bouquet, but Daphne isn't in the mood.  He ignores her and attempts 
to sit her down to taste the sample wedding dinner, but this time she
doesn't budge.   She launches into a furious tirade at Frasier and 
ends by throwing the bouquet across the room, where it's caught by a 
pleased Sabrina.  

SCENE FIVE - THE APARTMENT - LATER

Martin is alone at the table, nibbling on the sample dinner as 
Frasier enters from Daphne's room.   They've had a long talk and 
peace has been made.  The wedding is back on track.  Martin reassures 
Frasier that he just got a little carried away, and Frasier ruefully 
admits that he may have been frustrated that he never got the wedding 
he wanted for himself. Martin reassures Frasier that he's sure to 
meet someone.  If Niles can meet a wonderful woman like Sabrina, 
anything is possible.

FADE OUT.

EPISODE TAG - CAFE NERVOSA.

Roz pretends enthusiasm as Daphne shows her the bridesmaid dress of 
her choice -- emerald green satin, puffy sleeves and gold bows.  It's
hideous.  Roz maintains a cheerful front till Daphne turns her back, 
then she collapses in tears.


Thanks To...

Transcript written by NICHOLAS HARTLEY
Transcript revised first by MIKE LEE
Synopsis written by KATHY CHURAY
Additional Materials by NICHOLAS HARTLEY
Edited by NICHOLAS HARTLEY


Legal Stuff

 This episode capsule is copyright 2000 by "The Frasier Files". 
 This episode summary remains property of Frasier, Copyright 
 of Paramount Productions and NBC. Printed without permission. 

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