[11.17] Coots and Ladders


Coots and Ladders                            Written by Heide Perlman                
                                           Directed by Kelsey Grammer 
=====================================================================
Production Code: 11.17
Episode Number In Production Order: 258
Original Airdate on NBC: March 16, 2004
Transcript written on April 5, 2004

Ronee Lawrence Episodes

[11.04] The Babysitter
[11.05] The Placeholder
[11.06] I'm Listening
[11.14] Freudian Sleep
[11.16] BOO!

Transcript {Kelly Dean Hansen}

Skyline:A cloud appears and sprinkles rain.

ACT I

[N.B. The first scene of Act One has Frasier telling a story to Niles 
in the apartment, constantly interrupted by flashbacks and alternative 
versions of said flashbacks.  To preserve continuity, scenes that take
place in a single setting over a continuous time have been named as a 
single scene in several parts: "1a, 1b, etc."]

Scene 1-a - Frasier's apartment
It is stormy outside and Frasier is fretting about something, pacing
nervously.  The doorbell rings, and he rushes to admit Niles.

Frasier: [frantically] Oh, Niles!  Thank God you've come quickly.
         I've been going mad.
  Niles: This better be a real emergency, Frasier.  You pulled me away
         from the Gifted Infants Toy Expo.
Frasier: Yes, yes, you missed out on buying a Tickle Me Tolstoy doll.
         Niles, my problem is more important than that.  You see, I've... 
         [desperately] oh, dear God.  Niles, I've committed a crime!
  Niles: Don't tell me.  You forgot to send the opera board a thank you
         note for the Christmas brickle.
Frasier: By God, man, it's a real crime!  Punishable by law!

At this moment, a thunderclap and a flash of lightning.

  Niles: By law?
Frasier: Of the United States of America.

Another thunderclap and lightning flash.

  Niles: Good heavens, what have you done?
Frasier: I'll tell you.  But before you judge me, Niles, please, remember 
         how much stress I've been under lately.
  Niles: Of course.  Tell me everything, leave nothing out.

Frasier sits.  Niles goes to the sherry bar.

Frasier: All right.  It was a dark and stormy day...
  Niles: You can leave that out.
Frasier: All right.  It was an average day, marred only by a persistent
         cough caused by a barista's over-nutmegging my machiatto.

DISSOLVE TO:

Scene 2 — KACL
Frasier is taking a call.

Frasier: Go ahead, Babette, what can I do for you?
Babette: [v.o.] Well, Dr. Crane.  For about a year now, I've been 
         stealing.  I get these uncontrollable urges to take things.
Frasier: Such as? [He begins to cough and try to stifle it.]
Babette: All kinds of things.  Magazines from stores, a friend's 
         sunglasses... things I don't even want.

Frasier continues to battle with the cough.

Frasier: I see, um... [clearing his throat] Go on.
Babette: It's so unlike me.  I mean, my friends think I'm dull.  They 
         all say "Babette, you're like an old shoe."  But stealing is 
         so exciting.  It's really the only time I feel alive.
Frasier: Well, it sound to me like you have a classic case of klepto...
         [wheezing cough, strained] klepto...

Frasier breaks down, hacking.  Roz takes the save.

    Roz: Kleptomania.  Hi, Babette, this is Roz.  And if Dr. Crane 
         weren't hacking up a hairball, I'm sure he would tell you 
         that this thrill you get from stealing makes up for an 
         emptiness in your life.

Frasier drinks from a water bottle, gesturing his approval for what Roz
is saying.

    Roz: That's the problem you really need to address.  So you should 
         seek counseling, or at least find a support group.
Frasier: Yes, and may I add...
    Roz: She's gone and we're out of time.
Frasier: Oh, well then, this is Dr. Frasier Crane saying "Good day, 
         Seattle," and "Good mental health."

He signs off.  

[N.B. Helen Mirren, a self-proclaimed huge fan of Frasier, has the honor of
being the show's last guest caller.]
Roz enters.

    Roz: Are you okay?  I haven't heard so much coughing since I was
         backstage at Reggae Sunsplash.
Frasier: Well... [clears throat] ...I'm fine, Roz, thank you.  Thank you
         so much.  Your advice was spot on.
    Roz: It should be.  I've heard you say the same stuff for ten years 
         now.  "Confront your emotions," "communicate," "seek counseling."
Frasier: I didn't realize my advice had become so predictable.
    Roz: Well, it's not your fault everyone calls with the same dumb-ass
         problems.
Frasier: They're not the same problems.  What about that--that caller 
         last week, the sleepwalking transvestite who kept breaking off 
         his heels in sewer grates?
    Roz: Yeah, I remember him.  You told him to seek counseling.
Frasier: [indignant] Yes, I also told him to wear flats.  Oh, oh, did
         maintenance remember to bring me that hammer I asked for?
    Roz: Oh, yeah, right here. [She grabs a hammer.] What do you need it 
         for?
Frasier: [taking the hammer] Some imbecile's been parking in my spot 
         despite several strongly worded notes I have left on his 
         windshield.  The time has come for me to take matters into 
         my own hands.
  Niles: [v.o.] My God, Frasier, so that's what you did!

SMASH CUT TO:

Scene 1-b - Frasier's apartment
Cut back to Frasier's narrative to Niles.

  Niles: In an uncontrollable rage over the commandeering of your parking 
         space, you took hammer to car!

DISSOLVE TO:

Scene 3-a - Parking garage
Niles's line continues as a voiceover here.  Frasier approaches a car...

  Niles: [v.o.] You are a vandal!

And angrily smashes in the windshield and hood with the hammer.

SMASH CUT TO:

Scene 1-c - Frasier's apartment
Frasier corrects Niles's conclusion.

Frasier: It was nothing like that!

DISSOLVE TO:

Scene 3-b - Parking garage
Frasier's narrative continues as a voiceover.

Frasier: [v.o.] My "Reserved" sign was a-dangle.  I used the hammer to 
         tack it back on.

Frasier is seen doing this.  An attractive woman approaches as he does.

  Willa: Oh, I'm sorry.  I-I didn't realize this spot was reserved.
Frasier: [angrily] So all those notes that I left... [seeing her] must 
         have... blown away.  [shaking her hand] Uh, I'm Dr. Frasier 
         Crane.
  Willa: Yes.
Frasier: So you know my show?
  Willa: It's on your sign.  Willa Haver.  I'm so sorry.  My assigned 
         spot is on the roof, and with the rain and everything...
Frasier: Oh, no, no it's perfectly understandable, and now that I know 
         that this is your Audi, let me be the first to say [grinning] 
         "Audi, neighbor!"

CUT TO:

Scene 1-d - Back to the Frasier/Niles narrative in the apartment.

  Niles: And that's when she took the hammer and put you out of your 
         misery?
Frasier: That would have been preferable.

DISSOLVE TO:

Scene 3-c - Parking garage
Back to Frasier's conversation with the woman.

Frasier: You know, perhaps in the spirit of détente, I could, uh, buy you
         some coffee?
  Willa: Oh, well, that is so sweet of you, but I can't right now.
Frasier: Oh, well, perhaps tomorrow?
  Willa: Uh, no tomorrow's no good either.
Frasier: Next week, perhaps?
  Willa: Next week, uh, I'll be out of town.
Frasier: You know, I'm-I'm not sure if we're having a devil of a time
         coordinating our schedules or you're just giving me a polite
         brush-off.

She is uncomfortable, says nothing, beeps her car alarm and leaves.

Frasier: [as she gets in her car, dejectedly] OK, now I'm sure.

FADE OUT [First Commercial Break]

HOW TO DEAL WITH A DIM BULB
Scene 1-e — Frasier's apartment Fade in. Back to Frasier's narrative to Niles. Frasier: My morning's travails aside, Niles, you'll be happy to know I didn't strike out with every woman I encountered today. DISSOLVE TO: Scene 4-a - Hallway near the elevator An elderly woman approaches as Frasier goes to enter his apartment. [N.B. Estelle Parsons has already "appeared" this season, as a guest caller in [11.12], "Frasier-Lite."] Opal: Frasier. I heard the elevator, and I thought, "I bet that's Frasier," and it is. Frasier: How are you, Mrs. Magrini? Opal: Oh, just grand, and how many times do I have to ask you to call me Opal? You make me feel like an old woman. Frasier: [uncomfortably] Opal, then. Lovely to see you again. Opal: [not taking his strong hints] Some weather! Frasier: [patiently] Yes, it's just awful. Opal: Oh! It's blowing a gale. Frasier: Yes, it's quite a storm. Opal: And colder than a well-digger's wallet. Frasier: Yes, that's quite apt. Opal: I wonder if I could ask a favor. Frasier patiently waits to hear it. Opal: I know you're probably as busy as an ant farm, but do you think you could change a light bulb for me? The last time I tried, I fell off the ladder, and I lay on my back like... Frasier: Like a helpless turtle? Opal: No, like a half-hour till the ambulance came. Frasier: [nodding it off] Well, uh, let me just get out of these wet shoes, and I'll be right over. Opal: Oh, great. I'll make some tea and cookies. We always have such lively conversations. Frasier: [veiled sarcasm] Yes, we're reviving a lost art. Frasier enters his apartment, where Martin and Ronee are sitting on a couch, looking at photos. Daphne is also there. Martin: Hey, Fras. Daphne: Hello. Martin: Some weather, huh? Frasier: [irritated] Yes, it's raining. I've just gone over that with Mrs. Magrini. Ronee: Hey, come look at these pictures from our engagement party. Martin: Yeah, that camera you gave us is terrific. Frasier: What, is that the camera I gave you ten years ago? I can't believe you've never used it before. Martin: Shows you what you know. Turns out half the shots on this roll were taken the night you gave it to me. Daphne: Niles, come and look at these old pictures. Niles enters from the kitchen. Niles: [v.o.] Yes, and then we all looked at the pictures! SMASH CUT TO: Scene 1-f - Cut back to the Frasier/Niles narrative. Niles: I remember it as if it were four hours ago. Frasier: I am coming to my point! DISSOLVE TO: Scene 4-b - Back to looking at the pictures. Daphne: Oh, Martin, look at you. Sitting in your chair all sour and grumpy. Ronee: You must be drunk in this picture, Niles. You've got your arm around a floor lamp. Niles: [taking the photo] Oh, no, that's Maris in her Easter hat. Daphne: [showing Niles a photo] Why are you all hunched over in this one? Niles: [uncomfortably] Uh... Daphne: You were looking at my bum, weren't you? Niles: Oh, heavens, no! Daphne: Oh, it's all right, Niles, we're married now. Niles: All right, yes. I might once in a moment of weakness have permitted myself a fleeting glance. She hands him another photo. Niles: Or twice. Another photo. The look on Daphne's face is priceless. Niles: [giving in] Many, many times. Frasier rolls his eyes. Daphne: It's all about the rear with you, isn't it? Niles: Oh, no, darling... Daphne: [interrupting] No, seriously... She stands and turns her back to him. Daphne: What color are my eyes? Niles: [uncomfortable] Um... Daphne: You're looking at it again, aren't you? Of course he is. Niles: No, I... Martin: [nostalgically] Boy, you look at these pictures, you can really see how far we've all come. Ronee: Oh, I'll say, you were such an old sourpuss and [to Niles] you with the crypt keeper there, and [to Frasier] you... well, God, you haven't changed a bit. You're even wearing the same jacket that you wore in this picture. Frasier: [looking at the photo] Hardly the same, I've had it relined. SMASH CUT TO: Scene 1-g - Back to the narrative. Frasier: I don't mind telling you, Niles. What happened next was particularly galling. Niles: I remember exactly what happened, and I haven't got a clue what you're talking about. DISSOLVE TO: Scene 4-c - Cut back to the nostalgia session. Martin's arm is around Ronee. Niles: [peacefully] Our lives are so complete. Martin: [contentedly] We really are lucky. SMASH CUT TO: Scene 1-h - Narrative Frasier: Oh, please, that's not how it happened at all! DISSOLVE TO: Scene 4-d - Frasier's version Niles, Daphne, Martin, and Ronee are all staring pointedly at Frasier. Niles: [Daphne in his arm, tauntingly] Our lives are so complete! Martin: [nyah-nyah!] We really are lucky! Frasier frowns indignantly. Daphne: Well, come on, Niles, we should be heading off to the baby show. Niles: Oh, right. Daphne: If we're lucky, we might get a lead on a nanny. Martin: Oh, well you know, there are ads in the back of that Seattle Weekly. Ronee: Just make sure you look in the right section. If she says she's got her own toys and is willing to spank, she may not be a nanny. SMASH CUT TO: Scene 1-i - Narrative Niles: Don't tell me! In your desperation over being the only Crane man not to find love, you picked up that paper and did the unthinkable! DISSOLVE TO: Scene 5 - Fantasy of Frasier opening the door to a leather-clad call girl. Frasier: Tawny LaRue, I presume. SMASH CUT TO: Scene 1-j - Narrative Frasier: I did no such thing, you nit! [beating him with the paper] And I am telling this story! Niles: Very slowly! I'm beginning to think you didn't do anything! Frasier: All right, I'm getting to it! Now you'll recall, I promised to change my neighbor's light bulb. Niles: Oh, God... He places his face in his hands, unable to bear much more. DISSOLVE TO: Scene 6-a - Opal Magrini's apartment Brown tones, much antique furniture. Frasier is perched on a ladder by some high shelves. Opal enters with a plate of cookies. Opal: Here we are! Frasier: [looking at a statue] I was just admiring your bust. Opal: [taking "bust" differently] Thank you! Frasier: It might look nice a little higher. Opal: It might look nice a lot higher, but heck, I'm 83. Anyway, I can't thank you enough for coming to my rescue. Frasier: Yes, it's lucky you ran into me in the hall. Opal: Oh, I knew that would be you coming out of the elevator. If there's one thing I can count on, it's old Frasier's routine, unchanging as Granddad's whiskers. She moves around the apartment. Frasier opens the light bulb box. Opal: There's old Frasier off to work. There's old Frasier coming home. There's old Frasier off to work. There's old Frasier... Frasier: Yes, "old Frasier" gets the idea. Opal: That's why I gave you my spare key. I knew if there was ever an emergency, I could count on you. Oh, we should have our tea. My date's picking me up in twenty minutes. Frasier: How marvelous you're still dating. Opal: Well, I think an active social life keeps you young. So what are you doing this evening? Frasier: I thought I'd stay in with a good book. Opal: [with a patronizing smile] Ah, isn't that nice? How you're so cozy in your routine. Ha ha, you're like an old shoe, Frasier. She taps his leg and walks away. SMASH CUT TO: Scene 1-k - Narrative Frasier: [haunted] That's when I snapped! Niles: You didn't! You bludgeoned her horribly with that bust! CUT TO: Scene 6-b - Fantasy shot of Frasier threatening Opal with the bust from the ladder and her cowering in fear. SMASH CUT TO: Scene 1-l - Narrative Frasier: No, you insane twit! DISSOLVE TO: Scene 6-c - Continuation of the scene. Opal: You're like an old shoe, Frasier, now come have some tea. Frasier: [v.o. from his conversation with Niles] I suddenly flashed on my caller, Babette. Before I knew what I was doing, I impulsively pocketed something that belonged to her. We see Frasier surreptitiously grabbing a small square box from the shelf as Opal prepares the tea. Frasier: [v.o., haunted, menacingly] I stole, Niles! Like some craven thief. And I've never felt more alive! Frasier's face as he perpetrates the act is wild with menace. A thunderclap as he pockets the box. He walks to join Opal, who saw nothing, for tea. FADE OUT. END OF ACT I ACT II [N.B. Frasier's story completed, we now return to a normal order of scenes.] Scene 7 - Completion of the narrative. Frasier: You can't imagine the thrill I felt as I sat there sipping her inferior tea and eating her excellent cookies, all the while fingering the stolen object in my pocket. Which he produces for Niles's viewing pleasure. Frasier: [again with the menacing tone] And then how coolly I walked out, scot-free, the old bird none the wiser. Niles: What's in there? Frasier: Some sort of decorative medallion. Niles: Well, it's pretty clear what happened. The depressing series of events today led you to conclude that you're in a rut. Your spontaneous transgression generated the excitement that you so desperately wanted. Frasier: Any Caribbean-trained Psych student could tell me that! Niles: Well, if you didn't want my diagnosis, why did you call me here? Frasier: Because I am plagued by guilt. I have to return this box before it's discovered missing. Niles: [wary] Why did you call me here? Frasier: I need your help, Niles. I have her key. I know she's out. We can put this back and be done with it. Niles: But I don't want to. I have excitement in my life. Frasier: Please! I can't trust myself to be alone. I am caught in the grip of this mania! Who knows what I might steal next? Niles: You took a little box! I hardly think you're going to run off on a crime spree. Frasier: Oh, really? He produces Niles's handkerchief. Shocked, Niles checks his pocket and finds it empty. Niles: [rising] Thief! Frasier: [menacing again] That's right! I took it, and I liked it! [pleading] Please, please, Niles! Niles: I don't want to get involved. Frasier: Fine, I'll do it myself. Here, hold this for me. He gives Niles the box. Niles: [takes it] Why? Frasier: [snatches it back] Now your prints are on it, too. You have to help me! Niles: Fiend! Frasier runs out the door, chased by Niles, who quickly grabs his coat. FADE OUT. Scene 8 - The Magrini apartment Frasier and Niles enter. It is dark. Frasier: Admit it, Niles. It's intoxicating, isn't it? Don't you feel the tingle running down your spine? Niles: In a minute, it's going to be running down my inseam, hurry up. Frasier: I've become a danger junkie. A cunning cat burglar with nerves of steel. The door rattles. Frasier and Niles shriek in terror. Frasier: Hide! Hide! Here, here, take this box! Niles: No, no you've got a pocket. Frasier: Put it... They frantically rush out to a balcony, which is hidden by curtains, as a group of people enter the apartment. Leading them are Opal's imposing son, Roland, and her niece, Sarah. Roland: All right. All right, everybody. Put down your gifts, give me your coats and I'll put them in the bedroom. A cell phone rings. Sarah answers. Sarah: Hello? Thank you! Okay, that was the doorman. Aunt Opal is on her way up! Everyone find a place to hide! They rush to take off their coats and hide. Sarah: All right, quiet everybody! I hear them! Opal enters with her date. The lights come on and they all jump out and shout "Surprise!" Frasier and Niles, with no other option, join the surprise shouts and emerge from the balcony. Opal: Oh, my goodness! Thank you! Opal's date begins to remove her coat. Opal: [seeing the Cranes] Frasier! They both have stupid grins on their faces. Sarah: Who are you? Frasier: I'm Dr. Frasier Crane, the next door neighbor, uh, and this is my brother Niles, uh, we just wanted to say Happy Birthday, Opal! Opal: Thank you! Roland: Did someone invite you? Frasier: [quick on his feet] Uh, well, the news of this birthday has been just buzzing through the building. We wouldn't miss an opportunity to honor this wonderful lady. Roland: Then how'd you get in here? Frasier: We slipped in as the door was closing. Roland: I could swear... Opal: Stop grilling them, please, Roland! He thinks he has to grill everyone just because he's a district attorney. Niles begins to panic and grabs Frasier's arm. The party guests all laugh. Opal: Now, what would you like to drink? Another niece, Janelle, enters from the kitchen. [N.B. Janelle is played by Bernadette Birkett, the real-life wife of George Wendt, who played Norm Peterson on "Cheers." She played the voice of Norm's wife Vera on several occasions, and appeared in the third season episode "Fairy Tales Can Come True" as Tinker Bell.] Janelle: Champagne! Frasier: Oh, well, we really can't stay. Opal: Oh, you can stay a few minutes. You don't want to hurt my feelings. Janelle: [to Niles] Here, let me take your coat. Niles: Oh, my coat, no, I'd really rather you... [it's too late, as she has removed the coat] Uh, okay. Janelle: [holding the coat] Oh, my God! Niles: What, what? Janelle: You're Dr. Frasier Crane! She hands the coat to Roland. Janelle: Here, take this, Roland. I love your show! Frasier: Oh... Janelle: It's going to be so exciting to have a celebrity here when we take Aunt Opal's picture with her medal! Frasier: Oh. Niles: [frightened] Medal?! Janelle: She won the bronze at the 1936 Berlin Olympics. Frasier: Oh. Janelle: So what's it like being a huge radio star? Frasier: [always making time for a fan] Well... Niles: [subdued panic] Frasier! Frasier: Yes, yes, in a minute, Niles. Actually, I don't really think of myself as a star so much as a healer. The important thing is to listen... Niles: Frasier? Frasier: Yes, not now, Niles. Niles: [with feigned excitement and deeper meaning] Frasier, they're going to take her picture with her medal! Frasier: Yes, I heard that. [then, he really DOES hear it] Oh, dear. Uh, excuse me just a moment. He takes Niles aside. Frasier: [under his breath] You have got to get that medal out of your coat. Niles: Why don't you get it? Frasier: I'm a celebrity. They're watching my every move. Go on. The family members are now all gathered around Aunt Opal. Sarah: Aunt Opal, tell Dr. Crane the story about how you refused to shake Hitler's hand when he gave you that medal. Frasier: Oh! Opal: It looked sweaty, that's all. They all laugh. CUT TO: Niles entering the bedroom. Unfortunately, another elderly woman (Florence) is napping on top of the coats. She stirs a little. Niles tries to extract his coat without waking her, but he drags her with it. She awakens, with Niles's face a few inches from hers. Florence: Who are you? Niles: It's just a dream. Florence: Then why aren't you Harry Truman? CUT BACK TO: the party. Opal: Where's my cake? I'm ready for the cake! Roland: No, not until we take the family picture, Mother. Niles has re-entered. Niles: [softly, to Frasier] I got it. Opal: Well, then let's take the darned picture. Roland, get my medal down. Roland: Where is it? Opal: Same place it always is, unless it's grown legs like a tadpole and hopped away. Frasier: We have got to get that medal up there! Niles: What do you mean "we?" Frasier: You're right. Bad plan. You've got to get it up there. All right, top shelf, right of the sconce. [to the guests] You know, before we take the picture, I have a little story I'd like to tell that just may rival that Hitler tale. They all divert their attention to Frasier. Niles makes sure nobody is looking before he ascends the ladder. Frasier: The place...was right here. The time...was this afternoon. Opal had just set out a lovely service of tea and a plate of sweets. I remember there were three cookies sitting on the plate, and I reached for... [with meaning] the LEFT one. Not the CENTER one, the LEFT one, and just at the same moment, Opal reached for the very same cookie, and, oh, what did you say? Oh, it was priceless. Opal: I said, "You take it." Frasier: Hah! Right off the top of her head. Roland notices Niles fumbling on the ladder. Roland: What are you doing? Niles: I, uh... Frasier: Uh, I can tell from the panic in my brother's voice that he must have seen a spider. You see, he has a crippling fear of spiders, and it sent him up the ladder. Niles: Yes, I hate spiders. Sarah: I didn't see a spider. Come back down. Frasier: No! Roland: Why not? Frasier: Because he also has a crippling fear of heights. This may be just the breakthrough we've been looking for. Higher, Niles! Conquer your fear! Niles - believably - feigns terror. Frasier: Please, everyone, I'm going to have to ask you to turn around, as his fear of crowds has set in. Sarah: Crowds, too? Frasier: Yes, you are looking at that rarest of beasts, the arachno-acro- agoraphobe. Please, avert your eyes. They turn around. Frasier: This is the most difficult part of the process. I am using a technique known as behavioral exposure therapy. Climb higher, Niles. Ever higher, conquer your fear! Janelle: Wow, Frasier Crane in action! Frasier: No, please, no peeking! You don't want to cause a setback. After replacing the medal, Niles slips off the ladder and hangs from the top shelf by his fingertips. Frasier stifles a scream. Frasier: Everybody freeze! This is the moment of truth. I haven't done this since my days in med school. He motions for them to keep looking away. He then rescues Niles by climbing under him. Niles is now seated on Frasier's shoulders and releases the bookshelf. Everybody sees Frasier carrying Niles. Frasier: Hurrah! He's done it! He's conquered all three! Niles makes a gesture of triumph with his usual stupid grin. Opal: What are you doing? Frasier: Well, you as an athlete should know the time-honored tradition of hoisting the victor on one's shoulders. Opal: They never did that to me. Frasier: Well, you finished third, didn't you? Now if you'll excuse me. I've got to journal all this while it's still fresh. Good night, everyone! He walks toward the door. As he exits, Niles's head bumps on the top of the doorway. Everybody gasps with concern. Frasier: Oh! Good Lord, I should have dipped. I tell you... On the second attempt, Niles bumps his head again. They fumble out the door. Frasier: So sorry. Having made their not so graceful exit from the party, Frasier and Niles have apparently successfully concealed the crime. FADE OUT.
OEDIPAL UNDIES
Scene 9 - Frasier's apartment Frasier is on the couch looking at the old photos. Martin enters in his robe rom the back. Frasier: Oh, hey, Dad, I didn't know you guys were here. Where's Ronee? Martin: Oh, she's in bed waiting for me. Hey, Fras, you know what, she can't see a thing without her contacts. Why don't we play a little joke on her? You tiptoe in... Frasier: No, Dad, I'll pass. Martin: Still looking at those old pictures, huh? Frasier: Yeah. Martin: It's funny, isn't it? Frasier: What? Martin: How suddenly your whole life can change. I never would've dreamed back then that I'd end up getting married again, at my age, and to someone so young and full of pep. Frasier: I'm very happy for you and Ronee. Martin: That's the way it is. Just when you think that you're in a rut, and nothing exciting will ever happen to you again, Pow! That's when it does. Frasier: Maybe you're right. Martin: I know I'm right. Good night, Fras. He exits to the back. Frasier: Good night, Dad. Frasier begins to put the pictures away. Martin suddenly re-enters. Martin: You know, you could put on my robe and a little bit of my Aqua Velva... Frasier: Good night, Dad. Martin exits again. FADE OUT. [N.B. This last scene is certainly a foreshadowing of the next episode, [11.18] "Match Game." - which might explain why "Match Game" was not aired until several weeks after it was filmed.] END OF ACT II Credits: Niles exits Frasier's apartment, bidding him farewell, and heads to the elevator. As he waits, he happily pulls out one of Frasier's sherry glasses from his coat pocket. But then he checks his other pocket and becomes worried, for he is obviously missing something. Frasier comes out, dangling Niles's keys. Niles, realizing he has been outfoxed, produces the sherry glass, and they exchange their thefts. Frasier re-enters his apartment, and Niles is clearly very disappointed.

Guest Appearances

 Special Guest Stars
 WENDIE MALICK as Ronee
 ESTELLE PARSONS as Opal

 Guest Starring
 GABRIELLE MILLER as Willa
 JACK LAUFER as Roland
 LINDA GEHRINGER as Sarah
 BERNADETTE BIRKETT as Janelle

 Co-Starring
 PHYLLIS FLAX as Florence

 Guest Caller
 HELEN MIRREN as Babette

Legal Stuff

 
 This episode capsule is copyright 2004 by Kelly Dean Hansen. 
 This episode summary remains property of Frasier, Copyright 
 of Paramount Productions and NBC.  Printed without permission. 
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